CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER EIGHT

After graduation it seemed appropriate that i seek another Pastorate. The Executive Secretary of Massachusetts Baptists put me in touch with the Summit Avenue Baptist Church in Jersey City. I was invited to visit with the Church and the Pulpit Committee and was called to that pastorate. The Church was at 5-corners, and not far from the entrance to the subway to the Hudson Tunnel so there was easy access to New York City. As I recall the Moderator was a member of AA and an Al Anon group met in the basement of the Church. Among other opportunities I became an advisor to AA groups in the area. (Not a member.) I enjoyed living in this Metro area, but I suspect it was not a favorite place for Betty. We had a large parsonage next door to the Church. Plenty of room for a family of 5 kids, mother and father. Paul was to be born in July 1960 at the Margaret Hague Memorial Hospital.

A continuing memory of this era was the meeting of Leonard Ballesteros who pastored the North Baptist Church in a primarily Spanish part of town. He is Mexican. I participated with Len’s father in his marriage to Nancy Lee, a talented young lady who is Caucasian. That would have been in the early 1960’s. They are still married and are living in Florida after Len’s retirement from the M & M Board of American Baptists.

Another of my deep memories of this time was the chance to visit the opening of the Guggenheim Art Museum in NYC. The Pastorate, itself, went well and my intention was to stay there a long time. After about a year I got a letter from my twin brother, John, stating that he was teaching part-time at a small Church related college in Billings, MT - Rocky Mountain College, and that they were looking for a Director of Guidance who could help in the establishment of a Department of Psychology. Would I be interested? Of course. I was ordained and had a Master’s degree in Psych. It did seem, however, that it would not be fair to the Church to leave after such a short time. During the Easter Season of 1961 a friend who was an Episcopal Priest invited me to a day long retreat at one of their “retreats” in Jersey. I accepted and spent most of that day in meditation and prayer as to what my decision should be since the College had made a direct offer to me to join their staff. Mid-afternoon it became clear to me that this open door was one i should walk through. As Editor of my College Annual I had chosen those words: "Doors are opened, Ways are made" for the title page. I had walked through a door to become a College professor at Marshall. I had walked through a door to Graduate school at Penn State and then as Psychologist in residence at children’s homes in Iowa. I had walked through a door to Andover Newton, then Jersey City. Here was another opening. Now it seemed that my whole life experience had prepared me to “walk” through this door to Billings, Montana, and Rocky Mountain College. More on that later.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Here is a follow up to the previous post. It may cast some understanding of my true love. This is a letter written to Betty about three week before my first heart attack.

11/2/57
Dearest One:
How can time, which flies so fast in other areas of life, go so slowly when I anticipate your return? Why is it that each days tomorrow is so slow in fading into this petty pace from day to day? Why is it that when the heart longs its satisfaction is found only in the sensual pleasure of holding your loved one in your arms and feeling the soft caresses of her lips? Why is it that a house which seems too full with the children suddenly takes on the aspects of a cavernous tomb when they are away?
I love you, I long for you, I desire you-- hurry, O wings, and bear her home to me! Hurry, O flight, and span the space and time that we who are thus apart may find our wholeness together!

The day is like my heart. The heavens cry their tears and the greyness speaks to my desolateness without you. Bear up - be brave - and yet how could I have let you go and how could I do otherwise. With hardly a letter to hold to my heart -- hearing from you only through packages - and quickening to your love I sit in longing just to hear your breath --I lie in wait for the other side of the bed to give in to you knowing that I too will then hold you in my arms.

News? What news? The world has come to a virtual stand still while you are gone. Hasten, O hasten home, my love that we who are thus apart may find our wholeness together!

Love, Jim

She had returned just before the heart attack. She had suffered a miscarriage of twins in June of that year and was taking some time off from managing a family to be with her family in West Virginia. The twins, a boy and a girl did not survive and are buried in Woodville, MA.

CHAPTER SIX

I've delayed long enough to write the next chapter of this Blog. Recent news has made it a bit easier. As Pastor of the Woodville Baptist Church I was a member of a committee looking for a replacement of our organ. One of the members was the mother of a young man who had had a clinical death during surgery. As a Psychologist I counseled the lad in cooperation with his family doctor. When we came back from one of our visits to evaluate a used pipe organ at another Church I took the lady home and I truly don’t remember how or why it happened, but I kissed her “goodnight”. The next visit when I left her at the door she commented, “You kissed me the last time.” That began a strange relationship which led to a lot of “smooching”, etc. The etc. was largely her driving to Newton and taking me to a baseball game at Fenway Park, or to a movie. On the way home we would stop and “neck” a while. There was no indication that our behavior would go beyond that level. Actually I kept telling myself that this behavior made me love Betty even at a deeper level. The last time we were together was when Betty was visiting her Mother after the twins had died. That would be in June 1957. They were fraternal male and female. They survived less than a day being about 3 month premature. When Betty went into labor the aforementioned lady drove us to the nearest hospital at Marlboro, MA. I preached the next day and found out after the service that the twins had not survived. Neither of us ever really saw them since they were in intensive care from the moment of birth. The Funeral Director in Hopkinton provided a casket for the two of them and a friend who pastored the Congregational Church agreed to conduct the funeral. A member of my Church let them to be buried on a corner of his family plot in Woodville. I’ll never forget this beautiful gesture of A.E. Stone. A friend from Seminary was Pastor in Marlboro and was able of visit Betty.

After she came home from the hospital Betty was able to go visit her family in West Virginia. Just before she returned I had one last “date’ with the other woman. This one led a bit further than ever anticipated, but not to bed. The Fall Semester was under way. I was taking a full schedule at Andover Newton and a class at Harvard with a noted Biblical Scholar, Paul Tillich. In November 1957, just after I had turned 33 years of age, I had a massive heart attack. I was at a Deacon’s meeting at the woman’s house when the traditional pains in my chest an left arm began. Some of the people there thought it was Hong Kong Flu, but knowing my family history I insisted they call a doctor. The diagnosis was heart. Since one of the Deacons ran the ambulance service I was taken to Framingham Memorial Hospital and received first class care at this leading cardiac care hospital. I continue to believe that God interceded in my life at that point although the other lady was the one who most often drove Betty to visit. She later visited us in Montana some years after her husband had died and she had a job which brought her west. We had a good visit. She was killed in an automobile wreck shortly after that visit.

My basic prayer in the hospital was for forgiveness, and that I might live to see my children grow up. God is good. I saw them all through high school and college. AND there were three more. They have grown up as well, are though college. five of the seven are married and have families. And at 85 I have 2 great granddaughters. My deepest sorrow is that Betty is not here to share this joy with me. And I am fortunate that Pete, unmarried, has moved in with me and takes care of the "heavy" stuff.

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER Five

So we got to Massachusetts and Betty got in the care of a good doctor. I soon got a call to a small village church in Woodville. This area is a part of Hopkinton. which is where the Boston Marathon starts. It is also in Middlesex County of Paul Revere fame.

My first year was not particularly eventful. I commuted the 20-25 miles each day and on return home was often able to stop in Framingham and visit a sick parishioner. Woodville was a close knit community and I soon knew most of the people and also learned a vital lesson. Do not talk ill of another. He or she is probably related to the other.

The first Summer I took a course in Clinical Pastoral Training. Betty took the kids and went to visit her family in WV since I would be living in Boston for the program at Massachusetts General Hospital. It was sometime during this program that i felt that the lead Prof. and i had entirely different ideas as to the nature and cause of mental illness. That is why I decided to major in Theology rather than Psychology. I therefore studied primarily with Nels Ferre and Samuel Miller. As soon as the Summer program was over I headed to Ceredo, WV to visit and to bring the family back. My main memory of that trip is getting to New York City, parking the car in front of Riverside Baptist Church and taking the subway to Times Square. On the way back I took the wrong line and landed in Harlem. I remember walking through Riverside Park to get back to the car where I slept that night. The walk through Harlem and the Park was fortunately uneventful.

Dr. Ferre was to speak at my ordination after my Senior Year. Actually I had a heart attack during my Junior year (more about that later) so spent a fourth year finishing my degree. The Seminary agreed to support my ordination the summer before i completed the degree. A part of this was because my brother, Bill, a Navy Chaplain, was stationed in the area and this would allow him to take a part in the Service.

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FOUR

We had bought a small four door Ford in 1954. We left Davenport, IA mid-summe 1955 for Massachusetts. We drove to Taylor, MI where brother Norman was then living with Grace and my first nephew, Clarence Moses. We stayed with them for a day or two and then crossed over to Canada. We drove east to cross back over to the US at Niagra Falls. I had been there before when visiting Canada on a High School Band trip. Betty had never seen the Falls before. We then crossed NY State to Massachusetts. My first cousin and her husband were serving a Church with a large parsonage near Boston so we stayed with them for a few weeks until I obtained a student Pastorate in Woodville, MA. Woodville is a village in Hopkinton where the Boston Marathon begins. I was to serve this Church for four years. Cousin Alice and Hugh Smith would later become ABC Missionaries. After graduation from seminary we relocated to Jersey City. But I get ahead of myself. A medical doctor was on the staff at Andover Newton. Betty had had some “spotting” on the way. I contacted Dr. Elia. He chastised me for not seeking help along the way, but took her as a patient. When the baby was due to be born we determined that she should be induced since the doctor was in Boston and practiced at Mass Memorial Hospital. Woodville was 45 miles out. He examined her and told us to go into town and come back later. He delayed the procedure so that David was born two years to the day from brother Jimmy’s birthdate. I think they tended to think of themselves as delayed twins. David is the only sib who felt led to speak at Jimmy’s memorial service.. During the final pregnancy Betty was spiking her blood pressure and the Dr. suggested induction. Since it was already late October Betty suggested that Pete be born on his Grandmother Clarkson’s birthday, Oct. 26. So it was done. So there were children born in WV, IA, MA, NJ and MT. Then we stopped moving. I’ll deal with Seminary and health matters later.

Chapter Three

Chapter three - the Blog continues. After our marriage we lived in Huntington at the “old home place.” Mother had left the house to our one sister. It had been subdivided for an apartment upstairs so we were able to live there rent free and look after things including an apartment on the back which Dad had had built for our oldest brother. He wa no longer there. We had not been married many months before my bride sidled up to me after a visit with the doctor and with some animation said, “We’re going to have a baby.” Ken was born in late February. We were married April 14th the previous year - you do the math.

After Ken a born it occurred to me that if I was to get any place as a College teacher I’d better get a Ph.D. In the third year at Marshall I was admitted to Penn State and granted a fellowship in the Speech Education department with the understanding that I would eventually be working on the doctorate in
Clinical Psychology. Betty and Ken stayed with her parents in West Virginia for most of that year. We did managed to buy a house in Bellefonte, PA in the summer of 1950, but I was not admitted to the Ph.D. program in Psych so it was necessary to move on. Brother John was working in Iowa and knew that they were looking for a Psychologist at a couple of children’s homes. I met the man in charge of that program and became Clinical Psychologist at the Annie Wittenmyer Home in Davenport and the State Juvenile Home in Toledo, IA. Both were for “dependent and neglected children.” IAWH had kids from birth to late teens. Many of them were placed in homes as foster children. The Home at Toledo to mostly late childhood and adolescents who were often pre-delinquent. I was able to pick up some extra cash by giving personality tests for some local Psychiatrists.

Living in the Mississippi River country with farms and fields galore it wasn’t long before I was having trouble with hay fever. The other thing that gave me trouble was my earlier intention to give my life in service to the Church and Christ. By the fourth year I was sleeping sitting up in a lounge chair since my who system closed off when I laid down. Antihistamines didn’t do much good, and was increasingly being led to make the decision to go to Seminary. I was convinced that God was working on my to make that decision. After exploring possible Seminaries it seemed that Andover Newton was the place to go. That had a strong Clinical Pastoral training program. When I finally decided that Seminary was a must I talked it over with Betty. By this time we had Ken, Ann, and Jim; and David was in utero. Her only response was, “You’d better take me with you.” And that’s the way it has always been. Chapter four later.

Personal History continued

A nephew, also ordained, reminds me that I failed to mention an older brother, Don, who also was ordained. I'll catch up to that. After being drafted in April 1943 in spite of vision in only one eye and a prosthesis in the other, I served in the Army Air Corps for just over seven months when the Commanding Officer at Hamilton Field, CA called me in and asked if I would accept a discharge. Since Dad had died that summer and Mother was home with a young teen ager (brother Lee) it seemed appropriate to go home. As the Major said: "You only have vision in one eye." Funny the Draft Board didn't notice that! I didn't tell Mother that I was heading home. Instead I took the train from San Francisco to Washington, DC to visit my high school girl friend who was working there as a Secretary. We had dated through most of the 11th and 12th grades and at one point during the DC visit we visited a Baptist pastor to discuss the possibility of marriage. I have been forever thankful that that didn't happen considering the woman I did marry some years later. Brother Don was dating Judy"s older sister, Garnett and she eventually became my sister-in-law.

I re-enrolled at Marshall College, and was nearly finished by the time twin brother John was discharged. It seemed appropriate that I stay an extra year so that we might have some time together before I went off to Seminary. I decided to take a Master's Degree in Psychology. Near the end of that period I was invited to join the faculty at Marshall and teach beginning Psych. Now the story gets complicated.

I was very active in the W.Va. Baptist Youth Fellowship through College and conducted workshops throughout the State. I was also President of our Association of BYF. Sister took a job as Director of Christian Education at the Church in Kenova, a town in the neighbor Association. in the Summer of 1948 she set up a summer camp for youth in that Association at Camp Mad Anthony Wayne. She asked me to help in planning recreation. A young lady, who was also a Marshall graduate in Home Economics was the chief cook. I had known her some through previous BYF situations. Her family called her Betty. To me she was "Harriet Elizabeth". On the last day of the Senior High portion of the Camp I was dancing with a pretty little red head when this Cook came out of the kitchen in apron and with flour on her face and "cut in." Since she was president of her Association we talked about some joint activities of our groups. I invited her to come to Huntington one Sunday evening; have supper with us at Grandmother Taylor's (a weekly event) and go with me to meet with the youth group at my Church that evening. Before we left the house my Aunt Bertha leaned up to me and said: "Jim, we like her." Well, we had the Church event and then I took her home to Ceredo. A small town about 15-20 miles from my own home. I stayed a while, we talked, we chased a fire engine to the next town to a lumber yard fire, came back to her place, talked some more, and then taking her hands I look straight into those lovely eyes and said: "You are going to marry me, aren't you?" We kissed and that was sealed. The next day I left for Summer School at the University of Cincinnati. That was near the end of July 1948. We were married in April 1949. A marriage that lasted over 56 years until her untimely death in December 2005.

For a Blog this has gone one long enough. More history to come.

A bit of personal history

10/26/09 Yesterday (Sunday) I was in Church as usual. Our Pastor often calls for those who wish to join in prayer. It’s the kind of thing I grew up with - except that format was usually done at the mid-week Prayer Service. As I sit, barely hearing those who pray aloud (I know, I know. God hears them) I frequently will pray silently. I don’t feel comfortable praying aloud since I was Interim Pastor of this congregation of nearly two years.

Yesterday I began to think about my Christian heritage. What has it been which makes Sunday Worship so much a part of my life? Somehow, about the 9th grade, I felt a real “call” to Christian ministry. From that point on education became more important to me. But back to the heritage. My father and mother were very active in the local church. Dad was both Superintendent of the Sunday School and Chairman of the Board of Deacons. He was highly respected and there was never any move to replace him. Mother sang in the Choir and also taught in the Sunday School and at Vacation Bible School. Dad’s father had the Taylor Bible Class for many years at his Church. He was highly respected there.

When I was in High School my sister and one brother both entered schools for Christian service. Bill went to Crozer Theological Seminary and Dorothy Ann went to the Baptist Missionary Training School. Examples were being set. Long before that, however my Great Grandfather, John Andrew Mitchell Petit, was a Baptist Minister, and he was the founding Pastor of a number of Churches. He died young so I never knew him, but I still have memories of sitting in Church Sunday mornings with Grandpa Petit and him giving me a penny to put in the offering plate. This was in the 1930’s - depression time.

So there we have it. A rich spiritual heritage of immediate family plus Christian forebears. It needs to be said, however, that even though I planned to go to Seminary all through College other matters entered in and I didn’t get to Seminary until 9 years after I got my BA degree. Maybe more later.

Follow-up

This morning I got a call from my Broker in regard to a Corporate Bond I bought a couple of years ago. It is with Citi Group for $5,000. It hasn't been worth that since I bought it at a premium. It HAS paid regular dividends so I haven't worried to much about it. Now the outfit wants to convert the value to shares. I told Darlene to just cash it in and transfer to funds to my bank account with Valley Federal Credit Union. I had just been in the Office to talk with her earlier this week to make arrangements for dividends from several municipal bonds to be transferred to the account, and to make sure that when I am "gone" that any funds remaining in my IRA will be transferred to the Jim and Betty Taylor Scholarship Endowment at Rocky Mountain College. We established that before Betty's death as an Annuity from which I get a quarterly check. It will become an unrestricted scholarship fund at my own death. The dividends from the Munis will pretty much take care of property taxes in the years to come. As they come due the children will receive the value in order of age and due date.

As I suggested to someone the other day: Now that I've taken care of everything in case of death I'll probably live another 10 years. I see my primary care physician next week. I'll check with him about that.

Preparation time

Several weeks ago I suggested to a friend at Church that I'd call him and set up an appointment to discuss matters. Jared is a Funeral Director and very active in the life of First Baptist. When I served as Interim Pastor for nearly two years Jared made sure that my picture went up in the gallery of past Pastors. It hadn't occurred to me that I "belonged" there, but I had served a previous 6 months years earlier and I guess that my time served was at least as long as some "regular" guys.

Anyway I finally got around to that conversation today about final arrangements. He was more ready for the visit that I was, and was prepared to make a record so that when the time comes the Funeral Home will know how to proceed. We agreed that my ashes would be placed in the same urn with Betty. The niche is paid for and expenses will only involve preparation, etc. He asked about military service and I explained that I was drafted in spite of blindness in one eye. About 7 1/2 months later after duty in North Carolina, Colorado, and California I was granted an honorable discharge (for the convenience of the government) for the same physical deficiency. That means that while there will be no military presence at the funeral there will be a flag for some member of the family. Probably Paul since he is the only one who has a military record - U.S. Marines.

After the previous noted conversation with the Trustees of the Taylor Family Trust, and this visit with the Funeral Director I can now sit back for a long life having made Final Preparations.

Always something new

I've been watching football one way or another most of my life. This afternoon I watched a Pittsburg player who had just received a pass fumble the ball in he end zone. A linesman nearby recover the fumble in the end zone. The ball was placed on the one yard line for the next play. It seems that only the player who fumbles the ball is allowed to recover it if it crosses the goal line. Anyone on the opposing team can recover. I had never seen the action before and was surprised that the guy who recovered the ball was not credited with a touchdown. Live and learn - even at 84 years and 51 weeks.

Dinner time

As noted earlier, son Ken is in town for a meeting of Public Health personnel. Daughter, Annie. came by last evening after a meeting in Hardin, MT. She needs to get her windshield replaced. It was father's (that's me) privilege to take them out to supper at Jake's with son Pete as waiter. We all ate sensibly and then pretty much went our separate ways. It is always good to get the "kids" together and listen to them catch up with each other. That way Dad also knows what's been going on. While three of my children are far, far away in Oregon and Texas, and one dead of cancer in 2006, I do get to see the other three more often since they are Montanans and, of course, Pete is living with me and looking out after the old man. It was a good evening.

Significant Talk

Eleven years ago Betty (wife) and I had a meeting with a Lawyer and established an Estate Plan. We didn't have a lot, but we did own a house and had some investments, including IRA's. It seemed appropriate to lay out some plans about what to do when we were gone. We determined to name our oldest and youngest sons as co-trustees to manage things when both of us had died. Both live in Montana and both were unmarried at that time. They are still single. I was in my mid-70's, already much older than my father and older brothers at their deaths. The assumption was that I would die before Betty. Didn't happen. She died nearly 4 years ago at age 80. I will be 85 in a couple of weeks.

Today I had that talk with the successor trustees that many elders are reluctant to have with their children. Ken was inn town for a meeting so I picked up up and with Pete we talked about the Estate and my suggestions about what should be done when I am dead. (I've had by-pass surgery twice - the last time in October 1980; a stent placed in a coronary artery in 2006; have a CT scan showing a closing of my aortic valve with a lot of stuff around it which could very well go to my brain if surgery was done. There is also a minimal Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm. As I told the sons. the talk today was "just in case". I feel pretty good a this time and am taking things easy. I fully understand the nature of my health and have signed up for "Comfort One". This, in Montana at least, means: "Make him comfortable and do not resuscitate". Again, I have no anticipation that this might happen soon. I simply felt that the TALK should be done and that the 'trustees' should be acquainted with my computer programs.

Lost Symbol II

I've finished. A gripping read and I fell for all of the false leads. After the "mystery" is pretty much solved there is still the question of Robert Langdon's lack of faith. The story point out that many members of the Masonic Order are not men of traditional religions, but that they are men who believe in some "higher power". I was reminded of on of the most faithful attenders of my Student Pastorate who was a Mason. He would not become a member of the Baptist Church because he did not accept Christian faith. He told me once that he did believe in God and he wanted people to know that about him at least.

One phrase toward the end struck me as particularly pertinent these days. Katherine Solomon, Noetic Scientist, says: "Small minds have always lashed out at what they don't understand." It made me think of such persons as Rush LImbaugh, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, and the T-Party crowd shouting out there disrespect of President Obama and the current Health Insurance discussion. One can only hope that the House and Senate will find a realistic outcome to this major problem.

The Lost Symbol

I got this one last week from Amazon for my Kimble. It is a fascinating and compelling read, but at this point I'm only about 60% through. The first chapter talks about a secret ceremony inducting a man as a 33rd degree Mason. There was a mention of the Masonic leather apron which made me recall a part of my father's last rites. There was the traditional Christian service, but he did have on his leather apron. Dad was very much involved in Masonry as Secretary of his Lodge. Such societies have never had any appeal to me.

Dan Brown's tale goes on about a sacred pyramid which presumably contains the way to holy mysteries. I find the story fascinating because much of the action so far centers in the U.S. Capitol and the National Cathedral. I have had he privilege of exploring each. Many years ago, before our Nation became paranoid, I was able to explore the lower levels of the Capitol unescorted. There was the original Supreme Court chambers, and many other historic places. I certainly was aware of any deeper recesses which Brown speaks of. I also went up the hill to visit the National Cathedral and explored the various "chapels" unescorted. Some were being used for services at that time. It is a magnificent building.

I guess one of the joys of reading nowadays is that my age and travels give me some deeper understanding of the literature. For example, most the John Jakes' Kent Family Chronicles were set in places I've lived or visited or in a history which was a part of my own family history.

I have no problem in recommending The Lost Symbol for you reading pleasure.

Monday??

Well, Pete and I usually take stuff to the local Food Bank which people at the Church have contributed on the first Sunday of the month. We did it today (Tuesday) since yesterday was Labor Day and few there were who were working. At Church this past Sunday we had a combined service with both we traditionalists and those who consider themselves to be "contemporary". The choruses, guitars and drums don't do it for me so I go to the 9 o'clock service. Actually IT doesn't do much for me either since the Pastor's sermons would fit well into a Sunday School setting - 4 points and 30-35 minutes. No choir, and I believe that he prefers it that way. Anthems take up his time.

So the combined service was designed in order to have "dinner on the grounds" for lunch. It was worth the change. The only problem seemed to be that people who brought dishes for the Luncheon did not bring cans, etc, for the Food Bank. There was just one bag of stuff plus what we took ourselves. The Congregations typically does better than that. Billings is constructing a very large building to house the local Food Bank. This outfit provides a very important and much needed service to the community.

Generation rumination

I woke up this morning thinking of my own history. That is, the number of generations in the family I have been a part of. I have strong memories of my Dad’s parents: Alfred Burman Taylor and Ora Arminta Chapman. He was born in 1857 and she was born in 1861. I have memories of the Civil War through their contacts as youth. Grandfather Taylor’s father, Moses, was born in 1814. My father, Clarence, was born in 1884. He was married to Lulu Belle Petit in 1907. To this union 9 children were born with 7 surviving to maturity. I have on file a copy of Dad’s draft registration for WW I although with a family he did not serve in the military. My memory is that he sold War Bonds as a part of his war effort. A part of these ruminations dealt with the fact that I served as a pall bearer for Grandfather Taylor's funeral at the age of 15, and was notified of my father’s death while serving in the U.S. Air Corps at the age of 18. At some point I wrote a brief poem: “Six stalwart sons, they bore their father’s bier, and from each eye there fell a silent tear.” Something more about “two had hoped to see him once again” but I don’t recall the closing line. That would be twin brother, John, and myself. I thought of this three years ago when his brothers plus a first cousin were pall bearers at Jimmy’s funeral.

So there are three generations: Grandfather, Father, and self. Not long after marriage to Harriet Elizabeth Clarkson I heard these excited words from her: “We’re going to have a baby.” That would be the first of 9. We raised 7 of them to full adulthood. Twins ( a boy and a girl) were premature and did not survive more than 24 hours. Those 9 would be the 4th generation. 5 of 7 married and we have a dozen grandchildren - generation 5. Two of them are currently married and have daughters. Arianna Elisabeth was born Oct. 8, 2008 and Sophie Harriet Elizabeth was born 12/16/2008. Voila! Generation 6 covering at this date (9/4/2009) 152 years. And with the Great Granddaughters carrying their Great Gramma’s name there is evidence of how important she was to her grand children. 1At the age of 84 (6 weeks shy of 85) I believe that this historical background gave me a deeper appreciation of John Jakes’ series of novels - The Kent Family Chronicles which dealt with early American History.

Memories

Every once in a while I look at the family picture taken as we celebrated a lot of October birthdays and anniversaries on October 8, 2005. Betty (the wife) and Jimmy (son) were still living, and we had a glorious celebration with all the family and many extended family. Betty died shortly after in December of leukemia, and Jimmy died from a lung cancer he had been fighting for a number of years the following August.

I have spent most of this morning listening to a couple of CD's nephew Mark made at the time of our birthdays in October (mine on the 15th hers on the 16th), and in late November in the Hospital. (Less than a week before her death.) I listen to these recordings from time to time just to hear that beautiful well modulated voice, and to hear her chuckle and at times laugh uproariously. I often think of that voice when I have to listen to some female TV announcer with a high pitched nasal twang.

I can listen now without to much grief, but I do miss her. Just today I noticed how many blooms are on the roses in front of the house. I can't bring you a rose, my dear. "Oh, relax," I hear her say. "I can see them from up here. They are lovely," And last night I noticed the single bloom on one of her African Violets. A single bloom just as she was the single beauty in my own life. I love you, dear, and I miss you still.

Reading

I've been enjoying my Amazon Kindle reader. So far I've been able to read Moby Dick, Misquoting Jesus, 100 Years of Solitude, and Undres Me in the Temple of Heaven. I'm beginning to read "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" which was suggested by Christopher (grandson). I got the Kindle toward the end of June. The most frustrating part of it is that it list percent read, but no page numbers. I did learn the "search" technique the other day so if I know what I'm looking for it can be found. I'm sure there is a lot more about it I will find out, but at the present it does provide a "lightweight" source to hold and read. Some older books can be downloaded for 99 cents. Others have cost me $9.99. Two of my children gave me Amazon Gift cards for Father's day. There is still some money left in that till. Any suggestions for good reads?

Dances With Wolves

Instead of turning off the TV tonight after the evening news and Jeopardy I looked at the schedule and decided to watch Dances With Wolves. I'd seen this when it first came out, and remembered that it was pretty much set in territory I'm familiar with. Costner plays an Army officer who is assigned to a wilderness post. When he gets there it is vacant. There is a Sioux tribe nearby and he eventually makes friends with them, and pretty much abandons his post since no one else ever shows up. He learns Lakota and eventually meets up with a "white" gal who has been adopted into the tribe. She is in mourning and cannot accept any expressed interested from Dances With Wolves until her adopted father (the Chief) says that she no longer has to mourn. To shorten my point they marry and he returns to the Post to recover his journal. It is now fully occupied by an advance group preparing to attack Natives. They take Dances With Wolves hostage, but are essentially wiped out by Sioux who come there to rescue their friend. Dances With Wolves decides that he had better leave the tribe as the US soldiers will be looking for both him and the tribe. He talks with his wife about her choice. She essentially says that he has made the choice and that "my place is with you." Here's the point: When I decided that I must leave Iowa and go to Seminary in Massachusetts I talk with my dear wife about this and all she said was, "You'd better take me with you." It is easy to see that I truly related to that part of the movie.

I can also recommend it as well worth watching.

Farmer's Market

Saturday morning is when the Billings family gets together for breakfast and visit. This is typically at brother John and Jean's place. Today (8/1/09) we gathered here for sourdough waffles. My starter needed to be "started" for renewal, and everyone seems to enjoy the waffles. In addition to John and Jean, Mark and Rosanna and their dogs were here. This gave me a chance to show-off my new Kimble. It got a good workout. I had set the sourdough Thursday afternoon so it had a chance to renew well. I put some pecan chips in, but for the most part they were to small to be noticed. Next week I'll be going over to visit with Ann and Bill. Pete will be west of town (Molt) participating in the NAMI bike ride raising funds for the National Association for Mental Illness.

Right now I'm doing the dishes and washing the sheets off my bed. They are silky and won't stay on. I wake up in the middle of the night with no cover save the PJ's. The blanket has slid off to the floor and then the top sheet. I'll put the old ripped cotton one on now. Betty repaired the rips many years ago. It stays!

A Prayer for Peace

I mentioned my involvement in Peace Studies elsewhere on Facebook. On coming downstairs to the I-MAC I had this prayer lying around. It is dated 2/20/2004 - JRT: I had to post it in parts on Facebook because of character limitation. I list it here in it's complete form. The "child" I remember killed in battle was a high school classmate who went into the military just after graduation and was killed very soon after deployment. (In those days we were "children" until we reached 21 years of age.) Two other young men, Rocky Mountain College graduates, were killed in Vietnam shortly after their graduation. The news in Montana this Spring and Summer is to often about the death of a young person killed in a traffic accident. And today's news (7/23/09) tells of the location of the counseling records of a young man who killed and injured numerous students at Va. Tech, and the recent drive-by shooting at a Texas University.

"God, our Father, we are comforted by the words in Holy Scripture that you love us and that you will be with us in all the trials, all the fears, all the joys that life may bring. We are your children. But in the great scheme of things we, too, are parents. Our children also face trials and we suffer on their behalf. Some of us remember friends who were killed in battle at the time we ourselves were children. And we know of those who are injured or killed even as we kneel in prayer this day. O Father, God, Still our warring natures and give us peace this day. We ask this in the name of the Christ. Amen.

The Institute for Peace Studies will sponsor a "Peace Camp" mid-August for pre-teens to help them deal with frustration without resorting to violence. This has been a very successful program for the past 4-5 years.

The Kindle Experience

I ordered from Amazon a Kindle DX about three weeks ago. I downloaded on June 20th two books. They came through promptly. I have now finished "One Hundred Years of Solitude". It is a slow read and I'm not sure I really liked it. This book along with "Moby Dick" was being considered as an assignment for a college Freshman English course - plus "To Kill A Mocking Bird"." The prof has since told me that "On Hundred Years" will not be the assignment. I will tackle "Moby Dick" next since I've never read it. I did get "Mocking Bird" at the time of publication.

The Kindle is a fascinating device. It is light weight and the type face can be adjusted for size. After reading several 600+ page novels this year I opted for something which will not tire out my arms as I hold it. It's an expensive toy - the larger one cost me nearly $500, but the books are cheaper than hard backs and others. "One Hundred Years" cost me 99 cents. and "Moby Dick" came to $1.99. More recent tomes sell typically for $9.99 or less. It is a bit disconcerting not to have the heft of pages yet to be read. Kindle gives percentage read at the bottom.

Well, it's been a while since I Blogged so I figured I'd better make contact.

Family Education History

I have often read of families where some individual is the first to have graduated from College. When I was growing up many kids dropped out of school after the sixth grade and many more after 9th grade. My own mother finished the 8th grade, but that was the norm for girls of her generation. She was born in 1889. On the other had my father finished some sort of collegiate institution at Marshall College in Huntington, WV. He was born in 1884. I have seen the diploma, but have long since lost track of it. Several years ago I began a list of educational completions of my own family - children, grandchildren, and spouses. In view of the recent graduation of a Granddaughter, Natalie, and graduate degrees by a Grandson and his wife I have brought the list up to date. Here it is: It is a reason for pride!

Jim Taylor family high school grads:

James R.
Harriet C.
Kenneth
Ann - Bill
David - (Janet) - Suzanne
Jimmy - Cecilia
Willie - Karyn
Paul - (Ronda) - Louise
Pete

Stephanie - John
Christopher - Kristi
Andrew
Brandon
Jonathan
Nathan
Larry
Geoffrey
Natalie

College Grads

James R.
Harriet C.
Kenneth
Ann - Bill
David - (Janet) - Suzanne
Jimmy - Cecilia
Willie - Karyn
Paul - Louise
Pete

Stephanie - John
Christopher - Kristi
Nathan
Brandon

Graduate Degrees

James R. MA, MDiv, Dr Pub Service (Honorary)
Kenneth MA
Christopher MA
Kristi MLS

Comfort One

This appeared in our comic section yesterday and relates directly to my last visit with my Primary Care MD. I asked about getting a handicap sticker and we took care of that. The we talked about my end of life care document on file with the hospital. Dr. Gerstner suggested that it might be a good idea to make sure that ambulance personnel and other emergency medical personnel know my intentions. Since I'm 84 and have had two major heart attacks and by-pass surgery twice it seems appropriate to direct that nothing dramatic be done to continue life if there is another incident. In other words: Do Not Resuscitate. I am now wearing a bracelet which says: Comfort One. The information for such a status follows.

WILL
Suction the Airway
Administer Oxygen
Position for comfort
Splint
Control bleeding
Provide pad medication (Advanced Life Support only)
Provide emotional support
Contact hospice, home health agency or attending physician

Will NOT
Initiate CPR
Administer chest compression
Intubate
Initiate cardiac monitoring
Administer cardiac resuscitation drugs
Defibrillate
Prvide ventilatory assistance

And if someone has started such procedures they will be stopped.

As Gerstner says: Not that anything is going to happen soon, it is better to be prepared. See you in 6 months.

Strange

Well, I'm not sure of the title. Strange, what? But it seemed a bit odd to me that I got a check yesterday which was a refund from the Billings Clinic for "amount paid by patient." I had been previously billed for that and, of course, paid it. Today I saw my Dentist for a couple of fillings to preserve crowns and there goes the refund. If not strange then it was certainly good timing. And not only that I got $250 so-called stimulus from the government today. It'll all be spent later this month as we go to the granddaughter's graduation.

Are these the last days?

I had a visit with my personal physician yesterday. Lab work done Tuesday. Blood work is essentially positive. My cholesterol readings are good in line with 80 mg of Lipitor and 10 mg of zetia every day. Potassium is a bit high, but that result from 14 hours of fasting.

Toward the end of the visit the doc asked about living will, etc. He has a national form known as Comfort One. Agreement with this means that nothing extraordinary will be done if I have a heart attack including loss of function. Betty and I had signed living wills years ago indicating pretty much the same. These directives allow some intervention, but essentially express a Do Not Resuscitate option. I'm sure that this was operative in ICU when Betty contracted sepsis accompanying leukemia in Dec. 2005. Things were done to make her comfortable, and many of us were there when the heart gave its last beat.

I also got a form to apply for a handicap sticker. This will make it easier to find a parking place at stores like Costco, Wal Mart, etc. At time I've had to park a long way from the entrances. I'm sure it will be a big help when I want to attend an event at The Metra - Billings' sports and Fair venue.

As Dr.Gerstner said, this isn't to imply that something will happen soon, and I'll see you in six months.

The Investment World

Many years ago Betty and I decided that we should begin to think about retirement, possible widowhood, etc. From the time I was employed at Rocky (1961-1994) 5% of income was contributed to TIAA/CREF. This was matched by the College. In the early years the majority was contributed to the College Retirement Equities Fund. So most of the time I was investing at low market prices. After our children graduated from College we were able to invest in some Mutual Funds. We went with a guy who was selling for American Funds and put IRA money there. He decided to leave that job, so we transferred our funds to Edward Jones with a former student at Rocky who I knew well. Betty's IRA went in one fund and mine in another, and we were able to buy into three other funds. After I had retired we decided that we should establish a Family Trust and name our youngest and oldest sons as successor Trustees. The Funds, house, cars, and everything else in in the Trust. At one point we agreed to transfer one of the Funds to the Scholarship Endowment Fund at Rocky Mountain College. Later I increased this gift and it stands as an Annuity which will go to the College at my death.

At Retirement I made a decision to take my funds from TIAA/CREF as 2/3rds from the Annuity portion with a 15 year guarantee. It will pay for life, but the 15 years since retirement are nearly up - 8/1994 to 8/2009. The 1/3rd from Equities changes the amount deposited once a year with the May payment. My income from this investment will decrease 55% from the previous month. Fortunately Social Security and TIAA are both up over last year. And, while the Mutual Funds have lost big time they have shown some growth the past few weeks, and I have not had to cash them in at all except for the required IRA distribution last year. That has been cancelled as a requirement for 2009. It looks as if I'll survive another year, at least financially.

States I've lived in

Following is a list of U.S. States in which I have lived for at least a few months if not years. I grew up in Huntington, WV and left there after 26 years. During these years I was stationed 3-4 months each in North Carolina, Colorado, and California. I also attended Summer School in Cincinnati, OH. In the Summer of 1947 I lived and worked in Hartford, Conn. I left WV to attend Penn State June 1950-August 1951. Then it was Davenport, IA for 4 years, Seminary in Massachusetts for 4 years; Pastorate in New Jersey for 18 months, and now in Montana since August 1961. So that is: WV, NC, CO, CA, OH, CT, PA, IA, MA, NJ, MT. Eleven out of fifty and no desire to add to the list. In fact Montana has been a blessing in terms of the education of our children, climate, health care, and long term friendships. I certainly don't miss "country roads" or the "Rocky Mountain High." An allergy plus humidity was very much a health problem in the Ohio and Mississippi River valleys. The so-called "banana belt" of Billings, MT has been almost ideal. How was I to know when in Junior High school my music teacher taught us the Montana State Song that I would live her for nearly half a century. Iowa may be "best on every hand", but Montana "of all the States . . . is easily the best."

Life goes on -

Well, I'm not thinking of Resurrection on this Holy Saturday, but of my own continued living after heart surgery. And here is the other prayer I wrote after coming to. This in October 1980.

"One stops to think of what could be - a last farewell unknown, because the anticipation is just "so long' for now. Life means so much, that even in face of serious illness or surgery it is next to impossible to believe that every-thing will not turn out alright.

The calls and letters all assure me that this is so. Aunt Vivian, she of faith and great strength, Katy, Alice, Donna - these all assure me tat their prayers will be answered, and I am certain that they will.

But there is the other side and the answer may not be what we all so fervently hope. Yet I'm held by love. The concern of Ken, who calls from Minneapolis; of Jim, who promises a week-end visit; of Ann with her beautiful handmade card (What, in Ashland, MT, could be found which would be as meaningful?); of David and his Janet who share their Stephanie with me; of Will, with the quiet humor and growing faith; of Paul, rough hewn and strong who accepts life as it comes; and of Pete, busy, busy, busy, who knows what thoughts run deep within that heart and mind which are so obviously dedicated to God and to truth.

And so - farewell - to see you soon - this day - this place; but if not, then on the other side of tomorrow where God invites us all to be with Him and with each other in His glorious hereafter.

Amen

Heart History

I had coronary by-pass surgery in May or June 1973 in Denver, CO. This procedure was recommended again by my cardiologist in 1980. I was President of the Big Sky Area of American Baptists at that time so I scheduled the surgery for early October after the Annual Convention. Today, (4/9/09) I scheduled a time to participate in a Prayer Vigil at our Church so I took along a couple of books of prayer for use. A book of Prayers for the Christian Year published for the Church of Scotland and John Baillie's Diary of Private Prayer. It has been a while since I looked at either of these volumes. In one I found three prayers I had written at the time of the 2nd heart surgery - this time in Billings at what was then known as Deaconess Hospital, now Billings Clinic. Here is the prayer written 10-8-1980 at 5:30 a.m.

"Lord God, now in this hour of my need let me feel your presence. And as surgeons and nurses prepare for what they must do this morning be with them as well - for we are all in this thing together. Thanks for the sleep gotten through that little pill. Be with Betty, and all the children to "keep them loose", and bring us once again to joy in this your earth. Amen."

After it was over I wrote the following:

"Thank you, God, for the skill and dedication of all nurses and aides and those who perform the routine tasks of the hospital. It is through their hands that we are comforted as it is in your hands that we are kept. Help each of us, employee and patient alike, to know that healing is a God-function, and help us to do our part to aid that process and that hope. Amen

Musing

It's been a while since I posted more than a sentence or two and that on Facebook which is strikly limited to family members. It is great to be able to keep tabs on those children, grandchildren, nephew and nieces as well as a few grand nephews & nieces who have signed up on Facebook and joined me as friends. I keep getting suggestions from Facebook of people I might be interested in, but I've determined to keep my part "family." That runs into the 30"s.

Between Facebook and e-mail I sometimes wonder about my telephone. Sometimes there a days when it never rings. Other times the window tells me it's something I don't want to answer. Yet, I have unlimited minutes to call family spread out from the East to the West coasts. I'll post the address of this Blog on Facebook in case anybody wants to check it out.

2nd Amendment Rights

I just looked at CNN's web site. 15 people killed at a school in Germany. Every news program and U.S. paper has follow-up on the killings yesterday in Alabama. Billing's courts this past few weeks have had their share of gun shooters. There is an incredible amount of violence involving guns in our society. A Pastor is killed while conducting a service of Worship. BUT I must have the right to own a gun with no restrictions whatsoever. Maybe those who argue that the Constitution promises such rights to "a well regulated militia" have it right. At least it seems obvious to me that we need better control and harsher sentences in respect to the ownership and misuse of firearms.

Another Saturday

The annual Home and Garden Show is open this week-end in Billings. I determined to go and spend 2 or 3 hours just wandering around. I'm glad I renewed the supply of nitroglycerin in my carrier. Actually that would be one of the small bottles the stuff comes in. I've got a lot of them. The near=by parking was full w/ many cars circling to find a spot. I went to the top. For you strangers that involves 4-5 standard flights of stairs to get to the right building. When I got to the Pavilion I was lucky to find a chair just inside, sat, and popped a Nitro. 8-10 minutes I was ready to roll. Place was really crowded so I didn't have to walk very fast to keep up and see almost everything. Not much of true interest to a widowed home owner of over 40 years. I did stop at the Northwestern Electric booth for the usual pack of 4 CFL bulbs and a nice bag for the groceries. The grocery deducts 5-10 cents if you don't need their plastic. On the way back to the parking lot I took it a flight at a time and when I got in the car popped another Nitro, rested a bit and then came home. Actually the walking caused more feeling in my hips than in the heart or the bad knee.

When I got home I decided to watch one of my DVD's of the Celtic Woman. Saw them on public TV the other night and was reminded again of how lovely they are and what great singers. The DVD is I believe their first one. It has a booklet so I was able to finally identify them one by one. Chloe is a bit heavy set, but such a beautiful, rich and resonant soprano. Actually I am amazed at how rich their very soprano voices are. I told Pete the other day that they are almost like Castrati. On this particular disk Chloe's husband has a beautiful oboe solo. Priceless! I was a bit surprised to see that the gal, Orla, who plays the harp is also an important part of the Quartet.

Now, of course, I'll have to watch A New Journey sometime in the next week. Then maybe another look at "We Are Marshall". The tragic and triumphant story of the death of the football team in the early 70's. I had long since left the faculty of this my Alma Mater when that happened. Enough, already!!

Out of the past

The other day I noticed in the Billings, MT paper a brief obituary of a person who graduated from Marshall College (now University). This is my Alma Mater so, of course, I read it. Betty Frame . . . That name is familiar. I knew her, but how? I found my 1946 annual, the Chief Justice, and sure enough there was her picture as a member of the staff. I was Editor that year. I then looked further at the Senior pics and again there was the picture of a very attractive young lady. The obit said she was born in 1925 which would make here the same age as my late wife. Another lovely gal called Betty. I then looked in the Huntington, WV paper, but there was no notice of any kind. A day later the Charleston paper had a listing plus a picture. Betty Frame was still an attractive lady of 83. She had moved to Wyoming after her husband's death to be with family.

A further search of the Annual brought memories of the past of people I worked and studied with in the 1940's. And even a gal I had dated before meeting Betty Clarkson - my Harriet Elizabeth. I had forgotten, long since, the people who were in the Class of 1946. The other gal's name was Chlotene - the only person I ever knew with that name. And there was Rachel Nunley Meadows who has visited us in Billings several times in the last few years with her husband, Paul, who was also a high school classmate. Actually I went through school from the 1st grade with Rachel. She often played "sandlot" games with us - baseball, football, etc.

Market Blues

Or is it "Reds"? The Taylor Family Trust lost nearly $4000 in the market today. About the only statement I heard while watching CNBC today was by on unknown pundit who allowed that he was going to "stick it out". No trading, no selling, not buying. That's exactly where I'm coming from. The Market is still not as low as it was when I started investing in 1961. And, fortunately there is no need for that money right now. The TIAA/CREF pension plus Social Security is sufficient for family needs at this time. I do expect some drop in annual income come April when my CREF account will be reconfigured on the basis of the Market. I'm not losing any sleep.

Wet Saturday

Well, the day is bright and sunny, but the roads are wet from the snow melt. We had 4-6 inches of the stuff over night Thursday and it is melting. I got lucky on my shopping trip this afternoon - (dare I say "Wal Mart"). I needed to replace my spare box of cereal and they are the only store that has not raised the price the last few months. Plus I read an article yesterday about a local Hutterite Colony that sells its eggs to WM, and how carefully they screen them. I got a dozen. large for $1.45. The Shredded Wheat is $3.52. The point about the "wet Saturday" is how lucky I was. This trip is just over 3 miles each way. I got there and back and did not get my windshield sprayed with the wetness on most of the trip. Not that much other traffic, and a good choice of direction. I came home with a clean view.

More Heart Stuff

I was finishing up the dishes (with only my own most of the time they usually only get washed every other day or so). I looked up on the window sill above the sink and there were the 4-5 small bottles filled with glass marbles. Just another of the many "decoration" ploys Betty used. She was somehow fascinated with marbles - and small bottles. There are a number of those still around the house, most with a bowed ribbon around them. I've been playing around on the computer this evening so played again her solo, "How Great Thou Art" which I recorded back in 1972 when she was preparing with her Aunt Elsie to sing at the Ceredo Baptist Church. We had stopped to visit the Clarkson family there after a Taylor Family reunion at Blackwater Falls. There is not a day goes by I do not remember her, and the joy she brought to my life in over 56 years of marriage. And now, even the memories are filled with joy.

The President speaks

Obama has spoken. I can only hope that the people of the U.S. were listening. AND the people of the world.

Heart Stuff follow-up

I wrote recently that putting of valve replacement was not longer an option. Apparently it is. What follows is a note I sent to family and friends and their positive, loving responses. I am eternally grateful both to Dr. Millikan and for the reponses.

I had a thorough visit with Dr. Scott Millikan this afternoon about the matter of an Aortic Valve replacement. The Doctor was in no hurry, and he was completely upfront with my situation. After the catheterization he suggested a CT Scan. He told me that the scan revealed a whole lot more calcificationthan expected. He was very clear that I would no doubt survive surgery, but that the process might release some of the calcium which might very well go to the brain and I could possibly spend the rest of my life in a nursing home or ICU under long term care. He assured me more than once that he had never been the same chair I was then in, and that he didn't know what he would do. The decision was up to me. As long as I was getting along the outlook was the possibility of dropping dead. I suggested that if he could promise me that I would "buy it". After all, that is the way most of the males in the family have died. Quickly! Betty pretty much went the same way at the very end. I am, after all, 84. My Dad died at 59, Mother at 57, brothers Donald at 56, Bill at 50 and Norman at 61.

At this point in my life I am able to drive, move about the various stores I visit, and do most of the house work I need to do. Pete does the really hard stuff, but I still make it to the garbage can in the alley, and take cans, etc. to the recycling business. I make it up and down the basement stairs and do my own laundry. The nitro still works as needed. I will call my very honest surgeon later this week and thank him for seeing me and telling him that I've decided not to have the operation.

I want to thank all of you for your concern and prayers. And your continued love.

My love to you, Jim

Jim sent this. I suggest more prayers. Maybe someday, we can be as wise as he is. Gary Svee (friend)

Glad Dr. Millikan was up front and clear about the odds. Makes things easier when you have real options and solid information. I've been wondering off and on today what the outcome of your conversation with the good doctor would be.

Glad there has been some resolution, and that you have made a decision that you are comfortable with. Look forward to seeing you soon,

Ken (Son)

Dear Dad,

As the good doctor said, "I have never been in the chair you are in now." No one could make the decision but you and I'm betting on you living as long as you decide to live.

I guess I'll have to take some days off work in April to spend a long weekend with you and Pete since I won't be taking time off to stay with you during your "recovery."

Love always and always,
Annie

Good, the decision is made and it sounds like a well informed one. Now onward with the day to day and maybe an adventure now and then!
Love, Willie,Karyn,Caleb,Luke,Zackary (Son & family)

Wow, I just always see you as "hale and hardy". I haven't visited with you often enough.
I was unaware that you were doing the heart thing again, you always look so "good".

Will be thinking of you and praying for the best.
Marcia (friend)

James,
   You are loved.  Difficult news, but you have made a choice that seems infinitely reasonable.  You have too much vitality to kick off soon--my prayers are with you and that you are making the choice that God has in mind for you.
   Love, Linaya (friend)

My dear Unc,
Your decision makes good sense to me and it is refreshing to hear of a doctor who pays attention to the bigger picture. Thanks for sharing the news. I won't kid you... the knowledge that you are popping nitro for the slightest of exertion gives me pause, but the thought of you suffering brain damage from the surgery does not do much for me either! When the risks of the cure outweigh the negatives of the cause I think it smart to reject the cure. While probably not your primary objective, you are an example ofthoughtful healthcare decision-making... may I be so wise. May God bless you all your days! Phil (Nephew)

I guess there is no reason to "Tempt Fate" by doing an operation that may or may not have the best outcome. Hopefully with meds they can keep you aroundat least as long as your sister! ;) Things are going pretty good here. As you read on facebook, we are looking at houses in the area. There is a very nice place that is pretty close to work that would be perfect. It is a short sale so we could possibly get it for a very nice price. Plus it has a hot tub.

We will keep you informed and hopefully by the next time you come out we will have a room and bed for you to sleep on instead of the couch! Paul (Son)

Dear Uncle Jim,

I pray that as I "grow up" God will bless me with the same wisdom and discernment He has you. 

Thank you for sharing the news of this decision with me and Phil.  You are very special to both of us and we continue to be grateful that you are a part of our lives.

With much love,  Trudy (niece)
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
In the great sorrows only God can console us. For this, the best thing is prayer and not so much words of consolation. ~Archimandrite Epiphanios Theodoropoulos  +1989~

Dear Jim,

I think you made a wise choice. I was told the same thing that I had heavy duty calcium build up. My cardiologist said that if I stroked I'd wish I had died. My surgeon used a mesh net of some sort that he had patented. While on pump it caught several large pieces of plaque, any of which would have killed me. Fortunately I came out of it very well and they both referred to me as the miracle woman! It's all a crap shoot! In my side of the family we all drop quickly and permanently and guess that's the way He will handle it.

As long as you have Pete and nitro you'll do just fine! Thanks for the up-date..................Love, Rachel (Cousin)

A just and good decision by two wise men. peace Greg (nephew, MD)

Glad to hear you are doing well. I guess if it's not broke too badly why take the risk.................Dennis T. (Nephew)

My dad forwarded your message about your visit with your surgeon. I have been thinking about this for quite a long time, and wondering which way you would decide to go with this. I also think about the decision my dad may have to make eventually. I very much appreciate that your doctor took so much time in discussing the options and possible outcomes of the surgery. Too many doctors these days are in a big hurry to gloss things over, and notreally tell address the very real concerns of their patients, and hurry them out the door so they can get onto the next one. This is a really big deal for anyone, and to know what the ramifications of the surgery might be is so important. I support your decision to just live the rest of your life. Sometimes, the consequences of the surgery can be so much worse than just taking whatever is to come. And, as you mentioned, you have outlived the rest of the males in your family by a long shot. I believe just the recovery process, even with a "good" outcome, would be arduous, for a surgery like this, at this point in your life. When we spoke of such things a couple of months ago, we felt that you had no fear of dying, eventually (not that you would embrace it any sooner than is your "time."). We are not made to last forever, at least not in this life. We dread the thought of losing our loved ones, and making our lives without them. But it is something we must all face at some point. You have made this decision with a good accumulation of information, not lightly. You have a lot more time, I believe. I love youLisa (Niece)

What to say.
Of course, this is not what we wanted to hear. We were hoping that your surgeon would say that "you have a good chance of surviving the surgery, and if you do survive your life certainly will be much better." It is, as Dr. Milliken said, hard to say what choice one would personally make in the face of these various opportunities and risks, but I have to say that this one you are now expressing is the one that surprises me the least, given the things you have said for decades. You have always expressed a preference for suddenly "dropping dead," rather than lingering in infirmity. As you said, you get around reasonably well, can live reasonably independently with Pete there to help some, and we all enjoy seeing you when we get together, so life is good, yes?And we are here for you, too, if we can help. Mark (Nephew)

Hi there:
I talked to Pete today and heard you and the Dr decided not to do the surgery... selfishly I am glad, I would have been a worried mess. Robin (friend)

I think you are very wise. With a Father who died at 28 and a Mother who died at 59 and an only sibling who died at 44, I can relate to much of what you are saying. Every day we are living is all each of us can count on and it would do us good to remember that. The continued love and prayer goes without saying. You are dear to me. Cindy (frend)

Jim, this is the first I've known about the concerns that must have been greatly weighing on your mind in weeks past. My thoughts and prayers support you as those of a friend should under such circumstances. Your decision strikes me as the one that both my wife and I would make were wethe ones now faced with such a personal test. It is not so much a worry about the fact that life will eventually end for each of us, but how confrontation with its reality will occur and what the risks are that it might not be swift and final. Those of us who reach the ages with which we have been favored have had opportunities that long and relatively healthy lives made possible and we have been blessed. We can only continue to enjoy the pleasures and satisfactions of each day as we are able, and to be grateful for each minute of each day. Your travels will be shared by all of us and we will each do what we can to make the trip of each day as beneficial to the spirit of our band of pilgrims as is possible. I am proud to be in this procession of life with you, and should I be left to continue my travels after you have left the caravan, I will still think of you and the interesting times and the laughs we have shared until my travels separate me from the ongoing caravan. With best wishes for the days to come and great appreciation for your companionship and friendship on travels to this time! Obert (friend)

Jim,
Not having been in your shoes I cannot say which route I would go either. I am glad the doctor was so up front with you and that you were able to make your decision with full knowledge of all the facts. And really, God assigns our times as He sees fit. I hope it continues for you for many more years. Charles (Nephew)

Comic speaks timeless truth

In today's strip of Funky Winkerbean a girl in the car with her Dad asks a profound question: "Dad...do you still miss Mom?" The father replies with a more profound answer: "There hasn't been a day, but after a while, you begin to understand . . . that you can't let your grief become the substitute for the one you love." (You can see the strip in full color if you Google "Funky Winkerbean' and look at the Seattle newspaper.) A friend in our Church once told me many years after his wife had died that he still missed her. Jake did the video of our 50th wedding anniversary service at First Baptist when David delivered the Sermon and all the rest had some role in the Service. He, too, has passed to the great beyond. I, of course, understand what he meant when he said that he "still missed her." And I have a real appreciation of the philosophy in Funky Winkerbean. And I miss son, Jimmy, as well. Jimmy's "twin", David, (they were both born Feb. 10th - two years apart) was in the Hospital in Texas over the week-end. Thank God he has been discharged and is apparently in good health. "Mom's" family in West Virginia are under some pretty bad weather conditions. I talked with my Sister-in-Law and they are doing o.k. and while there has been a lot of snow and ice they have not been without power. I was glad to learn that after seeing the Huntington, WV paper the last few days.

Incidentally, I first said "comic strip" above, but "comic" doesn't always "cut it" in regard to such.

Friend dies

This morning's paper carried the obit of a long time friend and sometime collegue. Hall Diteman was a consummate artist and play director. He was largely responsible for the Billings Studio Theatre building which is on the Rocky Mountain College campus. Years before that building we did plays on the stage at Rocky and then at an abandoned Church near downtown Billings. I remember one play in which I was cast, and the Director chickened out. Hall took over mid-rehearsal. After 2 or 3 nights he asked me to shave my beard, It didn't look right to him. I dropped out. It wasn't that great a play or part. Later when another Director asked me to shave I did it gladly. That was for a major role in The Crucible. After all I'd lived through the McCarthy era.

When the new Theatre was to open I enjoined Hall to let me have at least a walk-on in this historic opening. I was often on the road recruiting for the College and could not be at regular rehearsals. The play was Man of LaMancha. I was cast as the soldier who brought the prisoner down the steps to his cell, and at the end of the play came back down and escorted him out. It wasn't much, but to me it was historic, and I have always been grateful to Hall for his thoughtfulness in this situation. I had better parts in many plays, but this memory will always be with me. May he rest in peace.

Update to health

This past week I had my third heart catheterization in the past three years. In Sept. 2006 I had a couple of stents put in an artery after feeling some discomfort and going to the ER at Billings Clinic after a 911 call. Later in 2007 I explored the idea of having a knee repaired since it is bone on bone many years after a pedestrian accident. The cardiologist suggested after the job that probabilities for survival were minimal at this time. I've had by-pass surgery twice - in 1972 and 1980. In recent time there has been angina following minimal activity. I suggested to my Cardiologist that it might be due to stenosis in the aortic valve which had been detected earlier through an echo exam. She had a thorough exam done in January 2008 and strongly suggested a valve replacement. I talked with the surgeon and decided to wait. Waiting is no longer an option. I called the Surgeon's office early this month and was told that I would need to see my regular Cardiologist before seeing him. I made that appointment and was set up for the Catheterization this past Tuesday. I then checked with the surgeon and they set up a conference with other medical personnel yesterday. The decision at that time was to have a CP X-Ray to determine the size of my aortic valve. I will then talk with Dr. Milliken about setting a date for the operation. He is rated as one of the best. It was also discovered that one of the arteries previously by-passed needs further repair. I'm assuming the mammary artery is available for the job. I was well taken care of by the people at the Clinic and have reduced anxiety about further procedures.

One of the most interesting things about Dr. Stephan Milliken is that he plays in band composed mostly of other doctors in town plus an Art Professor from Rocky Mountain College. The band is known as The Mid-Life Chryslers. They play mostly at charity functions and for their own enjoyment.

Love knows no end

As Pete and I were watching 60 Minutes this evening after a very good supper he had prepared we somehow got to talking about our life as Father and Son and something of what brought him back home. A friend he shared a house with was married and divorced and their daughter's mother didn't want their little girl visiting a "bachelor pad." The house they owned was put on the market so Pete moved back here since I was getting older and was living alone. I suspect his sibs encouraged him. He indicdated as much in commenting that they were more at ease knowing that I was no longer alone. And, as a matter of fact, I am myself more at ease knowing that he is here and can take care of the "big" jobs like snow shoveling grass cutting, gardening, etc. I still get to take the garbage out once in a while. It is all good because of my history of heart attacks and by-pass surgery.

Someplace recently I mentioned what my dear wife said to me in the recovery room after my 2nd by-pass surgery. I can re-member her coming in as I regained consciousness. It was very emotional as I had just gone through some deeply held thoughts about God's continuing care of me over the years. I had a tube in my throat so could not talk, but somehow got a pencil and wrote "I love you" and gave it to her. It was mutual, and then she said something to the effedt of "Don't you ever put me through this again." I remembered those words as we were gathered as a family in ICU as her own heart beat its last and she was gone from us.

Perte told me something tonight that I had never known, and it casts some light on the "Don't ever do this to me again" statement. He said he came home one night and the house was dark and he heard sobbing from the basement. His first thought was that I had died, but immediatly knew that if that were true he would have already gotten the news. It was his mother crying, I suspect from relief that I had survived. Pete held her, he said, as she "held me when I was a kid and had stubbed my toe or something." Love does not fail. And I love her still. As I told my brother-in-law the other day: I often still "kiss" her before I get out of bed in the morning. She is lying there half-awake and waiting. It is truly amazing how the air kisses back.

Lights, camera . . .

The "action" was yesterday. I was washing up dishes from the last 2-3 meals at the kitchen sink. Just above the sink is a window looking out over our backyard. At this time the yard is coverd with several inches of snow. Since the yard if fairly well protected the snow is still white. By mid-afternoon the sun lights the place up. It's a lovely sight. One I've admired for years. When Spring comes the apple tree will be in full bloom - also white. Well after over 40 years of this view I was not ready for yesterday's experience. The sun was bright, and I looked out on the snow for a bit to long. When I turned away there were flashing lights everywhere I looked. I got a brief experience of what it must be to go "snow blind". Fortunately, after a few minutes things began to clear up and I could see again. As long as I have lived this was an absolutely new experience. I suspect it has something to do with age and who knows what. I'll be seeing my Otician before long and we'll discuss this matter. The last time I saw him just over a year ago he prescribed some liquid to be dropped in the eye every night. There was some indication of possible glaucoma. So far, so good. But yesterday's experience has taught me not to look for long at a sun lit snow field.

Year's End

It has been a quiet few weeks. There was the large family gathering Thanksgiving Day with three of the progeny plus Jimmy's widow with Natalie and her mother. There was an additional 4 grandchildren plus a spouse and a great granddaughter and her Grandmother. There was brother John's family with Jean plus Mark and Rosanna and Ambrose. That plus Pete and myself. The NoDaks were here the next morning for breakfast.

For Christmas I was pretty much on my own. Pete and I had straightened up the house in case anyone came by. He worked his job Christmas Eve and I watched TV. Ann & Bill hoped to come in last week-end, but the snow got in the way. They did come over today to meet with son, Andrew, and take him home with them for the week-end. They hope to be back Sunday so that Andrew can get back to Bozeman for his job. They also bought presents to brighten the old man's life. I took them all out for lunch to celebrate Ann's and Bill's 29th wedding anniversary which is Saturday the 3rd.

New Year's Eve I did get over to the brother's house for a couple of hours. Last night I looked at my February 2006 Blogs. That's when this all started. My first entry mention that visit in 2005 just after Betty died, and my unease at the midnight hour at not having her there to kiss, and to wish a Happy New Year. It has been 4 New Years since, and I still miss her deeply.

So much for tonight's musing.