Comic speaks timeless truth

In today's strip of Funky Winkerbean a girl in the car with her Dad asks a profound question: "Dad...do you still miss Mom?" The father replies with a more profound answer: "There hasn't been a day, but after a while, you begin to understand . . . that you can't let your grief become the substitute for the one you love." (You can see the strip in full color if you Google "Funky Winkerbean' and look at the Seattle newspaper.) A friend in our Church once told me many years after his wife had died that he still missed her. Jake did the video of our 50th wedding anniversary service at First Baptist when David delivered the Sermon and all the rest had some role in the Service. He, too, has passed to the great beyond. I, of course, understand what he meant when he said that he "still missed her." And I have a real appreciation of the philosophy in Funky Winkerbean. And I miss son, Jimmy, as well. Jimmy's "twin", David, (they were both born Feb. 10th - two years apart) was in the Hospital in Texas over the week-end. Thank God he has been discharged and is apparently in good health. "Mom's" family in West Virginia are under some pretty bad weather conditions. I talked with my Sister-in-Law and they are doing o.k. and while there has been a lot of snow and ice they have not been without power. I was glad to learn that after seeing the Huntington, WV paper the last few days.

Incidentally, I first said "comic strip" above, but "comic" doesn't always "cut it" in regard to such.

Friend dies

This morning's paper carried the obit of a long time friend and sometime collegue. Hall Diteman was a consummate artist and play director. He was largely responsible for the Billings Studio Theatre building which is on the Rocky Mountain College campus. Years before that building we did plays on the stage at Rocky and then at an abandoned Church near downtown Billings. I remember one play in which I was cast, and the Director chickened out. Hall took over mid-rehearsal. After 2 or 3 nights he asked me to shave my beard, It didn't look right to him. I dropped out. It wasn't that great a play or part. Later when another Director asked me to shave I did it gladly. That was for a major role in The Crucible. After all I'd lived through the McCarthy era.

When the new Theatre was to open I enjoined Hall to let me have at least a walk-on in this historic opening. I was often on the road recruiting for the College and could not be at regular rehearsals. The play was Man of LaMancha. I was cast as the soldier who brought the prisoner down the steps to his cell, and at the end of the play came back down and escorted him out. It wasn't much, but to me it was historic, and I have always been grateful to Hall for his thoughtfulness in this situation. I had better parts in many plays, but this memory will always be with me. May he rest in peace.

Update to health

This past week I had my third heart catheterization in the past three years. In Sept. 2006 I had a couple of stents put in an artery after feeling some discomfort and going to the ER at Billings Clinic after a 911 call. Later in 2007 I explored the idea of having a knee repaired since it is bone on bone many years after a pedestrian accident. The cardiologist suggested after the job that probabilities for survival were minimal at this time. I've had by-pass surgery twice - in 1972 and 1980. In recent time there has been angina following minimal activity. I suggested to my Cardiologist that it might be due to stenosis in the aortic valve which had been detected earlier through an echo exam. She had a thorough exam done in January 2008 and strongly suggested a valve replacement. I talked with the surgeon and decided to wait. Waiting is no longer an option. I called the Surgeon's office early this month and was told that I would need to see my regular Cardiologist before seeing him. I made that appointment and was set up for the Catheterization this past Tuesday. I then checked with the surgeon and they set up a conference with other medical personnel yesterday. The decision at that time was to have a CP X-Ray to determine the size of my aortic valve. I will then talk with Dr. Milliken about setting a date for the operation. He is rated as one of the best. It was also discovered that one of the arteries previously by-passed needs further repair. I'm assuming the mammary artery is available for the job. I was well taken care of by the people at the Clinic and have reduced anxiety about further procedures.

One of the most interesting things about Dr. Stephan Milliken is that he plays in band composed mostly of other doctors in town plus an Art Professor from Rocky Mountain College. The band is known as The Mid-Life Chryslers. They play mostly at charity functions and for their own enjoyment.

Love knows no end

As Pete and I were watching 60 Minutes this evening after a very good supper he had prepared we somehow got to talking about our life as Father and Son and something of what brought him back home. A friend he shared a house with was married and divorced and their daughter's mother didn't want their little girl visiting a "bachelor pad." The house they owned was put on the market so Pete moved back here since I was getting older and was living alone. I suspect his sibs encouraged him. He indicdated as much in commenting that they were more at ease knowing that I was no longer alone. And, as a matter of fact, I am myself more at ease knowing that he is here and can take care of the "big" jobs like snow shoveling grass cutting, gardening, etc. I still get to take the garbage out once in a while. It is all good because of my history of heart attacks and by-pass surgery.

Someplace recently I mentioned what my dear wife said to me in the recovery room after my 2nd by-pass surgery. I can re-member her coming in as I regained consciousness. It was very emotional as I had just gone through some deeply held thoughts about God's continuing care of me over the years. I had a tube in my throat so could not talk, but somehow got a pencil and wrote "I love you" and gave it to her. It was mutual, and then she said something to the effedt of "Don't you ever put me through this again." I remembered those words as we were gathered as a family in ICU as her own heart beat its last and she was gone from us.

Perte told me something tonight that I had never known, and it casts some light on the "Don't ever do this to me again" statement. He said he came home one night and the house was dark and he heard sobbing from the basement. His first thought was that I had died, but immediatly knew that if that were true he would have already gotten the news. It was his mother crying, I suspect from relief that I had survived. Pete held her, he said, as she "held me when I was a kid and had stubbed my toe or something." Love does not fail. And I love her still. As I told my brother-in-law the other day: I often still "kiss" her before I get out of bed in the morning. She is lying there half-awake and waiting. It is truly amazing how the air kisses back.

Lights, camera . . .

The "action" was yesterday. I was washing up dishes from the last 2-3 meals at the kitchen sink. Just above the sink is a window looking out over our backyard. At this time the yard is coverd with several inches of snow. Since the yard if fairly well protected the snow is still white. By mid-afternoon the sun lights the place up. It's a lovely sight. One I've admired for years. When Spring comes the apple tree will be in full bloom - also white. Well after over 40 years of this view I was not ready for yesterday's experience. The sun was bright, and I looked out on the snow for a bit to long. When I turned away there were flashing lights everywhere I looked. I got a brief experience of what it must be to go "snow blind". Fortunately, after a few minutes things began to clear up and I could see again. As long as I have lived this was an absolutely new experience. I suspect it has something to do with age and who knows what. I'll be seeing my Otician before long and we'll discuss this matter. The last time I saw him just over a year ago he prescribed some liquid to be dropped in the eye every night. There was some indication of possible glaucoma. So far, so good. But yesterday's experience has taught me not to look for long at a sun lit snow field.

Year's End

It has been a quiet few weeks. There was the large family gathering Thanksgiving Day with three of the progeny plus Jimmy's widow with Natalie and her mother. There was an additional 4 grandchildren plus a spouse and a great granddaughter and her Grandmother. There was brother John's family with Jean plus Mark and Rosanna and Ambrose. That plus Pete and myself. The NoDaks were here the next morning for breakfast.

For Christmas I was pretty much on my own. Pete and I had straightened up the house in case anyone came by. He worked his job Christmas Eve and I watched TV. Ann & Bill hoped to come in last week-end, but the snow got in the way. They did come over today to meet with son, Andrew, and take him home with them for the week-end. They hope to be back Sunday so that Andrew can get back to Bozeman for his job. They also bought presents to brighten the old man's life. I took them all out for lunch to celebrate Ann's and Bill's 29th wedding anniversary which is Saturday the 3rd.

New Year's Eve I did get over to the brother's house for a couple of hours. Last night I looked at my February 2006 Blogs. That's when this all started. My first entry mention that visit in 2005 just after Betty died, and my unease at the midnight hour at not having her there to kiss, and to wish a Happy New Year. It has been 4 New Years since, and I still miss her deeply.

So much for tonight's musing.