Heart Stuff follow-up

I wrote recently that putting of valve replacement was not longer an option. Apparently it is. What follows is a note I sent to family and friends and their positive, loving responses. I am eternally grateful both to Dr. Millikan and for the reponses.

I had a thorough visit with Dr. Scott Millikan this afternoon about the matter of an Aortic Valve replacement. The Doctor was in no hurry, and he was completely upfront with my situation. After the catheterization he suggested a CT Scan. He told me that the scan revealed a whole lot more calcificationthan expected. He was very clear that I would no doubt survive surgery, but that the process might release some of the calcium which might very well go to the brain and I could possibly spend the rest of my life in a nursing home or ICU under long term care. He assured me more than once that he had never been the same chair I was then in, and that he didn't know what he would do. The decision was up to me. As long as I was getting along the outlook was the possibility of dropping dead. I suggested that if he could promise me that I would "buy it". After all, that is the way most of the males in the family have died. Quickly! Betty pretty much went the same way at the very end. I am, after all, 84. My Dad died at 59, Mother at 57, brothers Donald at 56, Bill at 50 and Norman at 61.

At this point in my life I am able to drive, move about the various stores I visit, and do most of the house work I need to do. Pete does the really hard stuff, but I still make it to the garbage can in the alley, and take cans, etc. to the recycling business. I make it up and down the basement stairs and do my own laundry. The nitro still works as needed. I will call my very honest surgeon later this week and thank him for seeing me and telling him that I've decided not to have the operation.

I want to thank all of you for your concern and prayers. And your continued love.

My love to you, Jim

Jim sent this. I suggest more prayers. Maybe someday, we can be as wise as he is. Gary Svee (friend)

Glad Dr. Millikan was up front and clear about the odds. Makes things easier when you have real options and solid information. I've been wondering off and on today what the outcome of your conversation with the good doctor would be.

Glad there has been some resolution, and that you have made a decision that you are comfortable with. Look forward to seeing you soon,

Ken (Son)

Dear Dad,

As the good doctor said, "I have never been in the chair you are in now." No one could make the decision but you and I'm betting on you living as long as you decide to live.

I guess I'll have to take some days off work in April to spend a long weekend with you and Pete since I won't be taking time off to stay with you during your "recovery."

Love always and always,
Annie

Good, the decision is made and it sounds like a well informed one. Now onward with the day to day and maybe an adventure now and then!
Love, Willie,Karyn,Caleb,Luke,Zackary (Son & family)

Wow, I just always see you as "hale and hardy". I haven't visited with you often enough.
I was unaware that you were doing the heart thing again, you always look so "good".

Will be thinking of you and praying for the best.
Marcia (friend)

James,
   You are loved.  Difficult news, but you have made a choice that seems infinitely reasonable.  You have too much vitality to kick off soon--my prayers are with you and that you are making the choice that God has in mind for you.
   Love, Linaya (friend)

My dear Unc,
Your decision makes good sense to me and it is refreshing to hear of a doctor who pays attention to the bigger picture. Thanks for sharing the news. I won't kid you... the knowledge that you are popping nitro for the slightest of exertion gives me pause, but the thought of you suffering brain damage from the surgery does not do much for me either! When the risks of the cure outweigh the negatives of the cause I think it smart to reject the cure. While probably not your primary objective, you are an example ofthoughtful healthcare decision-making... may I be so wise. May God bless you all your days! Phil (Nephew)

I guess there is no reason to "Tempt Fate" by doing an operation that may or may not have the best outcome. Hopefully with meds they can keep you aroundat least as long as your sister! ;) Things are going pretty good here. As you read on facebook, we are looking at houses in the area. There is a very nice place that is pretty close to work that would be perfect. It is a short sale so we could possibly get it for a very nice price. Plus it has a hot tub.

We will keep you informed and hopefully by the next time you come out we will have a room and bed for you to sleep on instead of the couch! Paul (Son)

Dear Uncle Jim,

I pray that as I "grow up" God will bless me with the same wisdom and discernment He has you. 

Thank you for sharing the news of this decision with me and Phil.  You are very special to both of us and we continue to be grateful that you are a part of our lives.

With much love,  Trudy (niece)
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
In the great sorrows only God can console us. For this, the best thing is prayer and not so much words of consolation. ~Archimandrite Epiphanios Theodoropoulos  +1989~

Dear Jim,

I think you made a wise choice. I was told the same thing that I had heavy duty calcium build up. My cardiologist said that if I stroked I'd wish I had died. My surgeon used a mesh net of some sort that he had patented. While on pump it caught several large pieces of plaque, any of which would have killed me. Fortunately I came out of it very well and they both referred to me as the miracle woman! It's all a crap shoot! In my side of the family we all drop quickly and permanently and guess that's the way He will handle it.

As long as you have Pete and nitro you'll do just fine! Thanks for the up-date..................Love, Rachel (Cousin)

A just and good decision by two wise men. peace Greg (nephew, MD)

Glad to hear you are doing well. I guess if it's not broke too badly why take the risk.................Dennis T. (Nephew)

My dad forwarded your message about your visit with your surgeon. I have been thinking about this for quite a long time, and wondering which way you would decide to go with this. I also think about the decision my dad may have to make eventually. I very much appreciate that your doctor took so much time in discussing the options and possible outcomes of the surgery. Too many doctors these days are in a big hurry to gloss things over, and notreally tell address the very real concerns of their patients, and hurry them out the door so they can get onto the next one. This is a really big deal for anyone, and to know what the ramifications of the surgery might be is so important. I support your decision to just live the rest of your life. Sometimes, the consequences of the surgery can be so much worse than just taking whatever is to come. And, as you mentioned, you have outlived the rest of the males in your family by a long shot. I believe just the recovery process, even with a "good" outcome, would be arduous, for a surgery like this, at this point in your life. When we spoke of such things a couple of months ago, we felt that you had no fear of dying, eventually (not that you would embrace it any sooner than is your "time."). We are not made to last forever, at least not in this life. We dread the thought of losing our loved ones, and making our lives without them. But it is something we must all face at some point. You have made this decision with a good accumulation of information, not lightly. You have a lot more time, I believe. I love youLisa (Niece)

What to say.
Of course, this is not what we wanted to hear. We were hoping that your surgeon would say that "you have a good chance of surviving the surgery, and if you do survive your life certainly will be much better." It is, as Dr. Milliken said, hard to say what choice one would personally make in the face of these various opportunities and risks, but I have to say that this one you are now expressing is the one that surprises me the least, given the things you have said for decades. You have always expressed a preference for suddenly "dropping dead," rather than lingering in infirmity. As you said, you get around reasonably well, can live reasonably independently with Pete there to help some, and we all enjoy seeing you when we get together, so life is good, yes?And we are here for you, too, if we can help. Mark (Nephew)

Hi there:
I talked to Pete today and heard you and the Dr decided not to do the surgery... selfishly I am glad, I would have been a worried mess. Robin (friend)

I think you are very wise. With a Father who died at 28 and a Mother who died at 59 and an only sibling who died at 44, I can relate to much of what you are saying. Every day we are living is all each of us can count on and it would do us good to remember that. The continued love and prayer goes without saying. You are dear to me. Cindy (frend)

Jim, this is the first I've known about the concerns that must have been greatly weighing on your mind in weeks past. My thoughts and prayers support you as those of a friend should under such circumstances. Your decision strikes me as the one that both my wife and I would make were wethe ones now faced with such a personal test. It is not so much a worry about the fact that life will eventually end for each of us, but how confrontation with its reality will occur and what the risks are that it might not be swift and final. Those of us who reach the ages with which we have been favored have had opportunities that long and relatively healthy lives made possible and we have been blessed. We can only continue to enjoy the pleasures and satisfactions of each day as we are able, and to be grateful for each minute of each day. Your travels will be shared by all of us and we will each do what we can to make the trip of each day as beneficial to the spirit of our band of pilgrims as is possible. I am proud to be in this procession of life with you, and should I be left to continue my travels after you have left the caravan, I will still think of you and the interesting times and the laughs we have shared until my travels separate me from the ongoing caravan. With best wishes for the days to come and great appreciation for your companionship and friendship on travels to this time! Obert (friend)

Jim,
Not having been in your shoes I cannot say which route I would go either. I am glad the doctor was so up front with you and that you were able to make your decision with full knowledge of all the facts. And really, God assigns our times as He sees fit. I hope it continues for you for many more years. Charles (Nephew)