Heart Stuff follow-up

I wrote recently that putting of valve replacement was not longer an option. Apparently it is. What follows is a note I sent to family and friends and their positive, loving responses. I am eternally grateful both to Dr. Millikan and for the reponses.

I had a thorough visit with Dr. Scott Millikan this afternoon about the matter of an Aortic Valve replacement. The Doctor was in no hurry, and he was completely upfront with my situation. After the catheterization he suggested a CT Scan. He told me that the scan revealed a whole lot more calcificationthan expected. He was very clear that I would no doubt survive surgery, but that the process might release some of the calcium which might very well go to the brain and I could possibly spend the rest of my life in a nursing home or ICU under long term care. He assured me more than once that he had never been the same chair I was then in, and that he didn't know what he would do. The decision was up to me. As long as I was getting along the outlook was the possibility of dropping dead. I suggested that if he could promise me that I would "buy it". After all, that is the way most of the males in the family have died. Quickly! Betty pretty much went the same way at the very end. I am, after all, 84. My Dad died at 59, Mother at 57, brothers Donald at 56, Bill at 50 and Norman at 61.

At this point in my life I am able to drive, move about the various stores I visit, and do most of the house work I need to do. Pete does the really hard stuff, but I still make it to the garbage can in the alley, and take cans, etc. to the recycling business. I make it up and down the basement stairs and do my own laundry. The nitro still works as needed. I will call my very honest surgeon later this week and thank him for seeing me and telling him that I've decided not to have the operation.

I want to thank all of you for your concern and prayers. And your continued love.

My love to you, Jim

Jim sent this. I suggest more prayers. Maybe someday, we can be as wise as he is. Gary Svee (friend)

Glad Dr. Millikan was up front and clear about the odds. Makes things easier when you have real options and solid information. I've been wondering off and on today what the outcome of your conversation with the good doctor would be.

Glad there has been some resolution, and that you have made a decision that you are comfortable with. Look forward to seeing you soon,

Ken (Son)

Dear Dad,

As the good doctor said, "I have never been in the chair you are in now." No one could make the decision but you and I'm betting on you living as long as you decide to live.

I guess I'll have to take some days off work in April to spend a long weekend with you and Pete since I won't be taking time off to stay with you during your "recovery."

Love always and always,
Annie

Good, the decision is made and it sounds like a well informed one. Now onward with the day to day and maybe an adventure now and then!
Love, Willie,Karyn,Caleb,Luke,Zackary (Son & family)

Wow, I just always see you as "hale and hardy". I haven't visited with you often enough.
I was unaware that you were doing the heart thing again, you always look so "good".

Will be thinking of you and praying for the best.
Marcia (friend)

James,
   You are loved.  Difficult news, but you have made a choice that seems infinitely reasonable.  You have too much vitality to kick off soon--my prayers are with you and that you are making the choice that God has in mind for you.
   Love, Linaya (friend)

My dear Unc,
Your decision makes good sense to me and it is refreshing to hear of a doctor who pays attention to the bigger picture. Thanks for sharing the news. I won't kid you... the knowledge that you are popping nitro for the slightest of exertion gives me pause, but the thought of you suffering brain damage from the surgery does not do much for me either! When the risks of the cure outweigh the negatives of the cause I think it smart to reject the cure. While probably not your primary objective, you are an example ofthoughtful healthcare decision-making... may I be so wise. May God bless you all your days! Phil (Nephew)

I guess there is no reason to "Tempt Fate" by doing an operation that may or may not have the best outcome. Hopefully with meds they can keep you aroundat least as long as your sister! ;) Things are going pretty good here. As you read on facebook, we are looking at houses in the area. There is a very nice place that is pretty close to work that would be perfect. It is a short sale so we could possibly get it for a very nice price. Plus it has a hot tub.

We will keep you informed and hopefully by the next time you come out we will have a room and bed for you to sleep on instead of the couch! Paul (Son)

Dear Uncle Jim,

I pray that as I "grow up" God will bless me with the same wisdom and discernment He has you. 

Thank you for sharing the news of this decision with me and Phil.  You are very special to both of us and we continue to be grateful that you are a part of our lives.

With much love,  Trudy (niece)
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
In the great sorrows only God can console us. For this, the best thing is prayer and not so much words of consolation. ~Archimandrite Epiphanios Theodoropoulos  +1989~

Dear Jim,

I think you made a wise choice. I was told the same thing that I had heavy duty calcium build up. My cardiologist said that if I stroked I'd wish I had died. My surgeon used a mesh net of some sort that he had patented. While on pump it caught several large pieces of plaque, any of which would have killed me. Fortunately I came out of it very well and they both referred to me as the miracle woman! It's all a crap shoot! In my side of the family we all drop quickly and permanently and guess that's the way He will handle it.

As long as you have Pete and nitro you'll do just fine! Thanks for the up-date..................Love, Rachel (Cousin)

A just and good decision by two wise men. peace Greg (nephew, MD)

Glad to hear you are doing well. I guess if it's not broke too badly why take the risk.................Dennis T. (Nephew)

My dad forwarded your message about your visit with your surgeon. I have been thinking about this for quite a long time, and wondering which way you would decide to go with this. I also think about the decision my dad may have to make eventually. I very much appreciate that your doctor took so much time in discussing the options and possible outcomes of the surgery. Too many doctors these days are in a big hurry to gloss things over, and notreally tell address the very real concerns of their patients, and hurry them out the door so they can get onto the next one. This is a really big deal for anyone, and to know what the ramifications of the surgery might be is so important. I support your decision to just live the rest of your life. Sometimes, the consequences of the surgery can be so much worse than just taking whatever is to come. And, as you mentioned, you have outlived the rest of the males in your family by a long shot. I believe just the recovery process, even with a "good" outcome, would be arduous, for a surgery like this, at this point in your life. When we spoke of such things a couple of months ago, we felt that you had no fear of dying, eventually (not that you would embrace it any sooner than is your "time."). We are not made to last forever, at least not in this life. We dread the thought of losing our loved ones, and making our lives without them. But it is something we must all face at some point. You have made this decision with a good accumulation of information, not lightly. You have a lot more time, I believe. I love youLisa (Niece)

What to say.
Of course, this is not what we wanted to hear. We were hoping that your surgeon would say that "you have a good chance of surviving the surgery, and if you do survive your life certainly will be much better." It is, as Dr. Milliken said, hard to say what choice one would personally make in the face of these various opportunities and risks, but I have to say that this one you are now expressing is the one that surprises me the least, given the things you have said for decades. You have always expressed a preference for suddenly "dropping dead," rather than lingering in infirmity. As you said, you get around reasonably well, can live reasonably independently with Pete there to help some, and we all enjoy seeing you when we get together, so life is good, yes?And we are here for you, too, if we can help. Mark (Nephew)

Hi there:
I talked to Pete today and heard you and the Dr decided not to do the surgery... selfishly I am glad, I would have been a worried mess. Robin (friend)

I think you are very wise. With a Father who died at 28 and a Mother who died at 59 and an only sibling who died at 44, I can relate to much of what you are saying. Every day we are living is all each of us can count on and it would do us good to remember that. The continued love and prayer goes without saying. You are dear to me. Cindy (frend)

Jim, this is the first I've known about the concerns that must have been greatly weighing on your mind in weeks past. My thoughts and prayers support you as those of a friend should under such circumstances. Your decision strikes me as the one that both my wife and I would make were wethe ones now faced with such a personal test. It is not so much a worry about the fact that life will eventually end for each of us, but how confrontation with its reality will occur and what the risks are that it might not be swift and final. Those of us who reach the ages with which we have been favored have had opportunities that long and relatively healthy lives made possible and we have been blessed. We can only continue to enjoy the pleasures and satisfactions of each day as we are able, and to be grateful for each minute of each day. Your travels will be shared by all of us and we will each do what we can to make the trip of each day as beneficial to the spirit of our band of pilgrims as is possible. I am proud to be in this procession of life with you, and should I be left to continue my travels after you have left the caravan, I will still think of you and the interesting times and the laughs we have shared until my travels separate me from the ongoing caravan. With best wishes for the days to come and great appreciation for your companionship and friendship on travels to this time! Obert (friend)

Jim,
Not having been in your shoes I cannot say which route I would go either. I am glad the doctor was so up front with you and that you were able to make your decision with full knowledge of all the facts. And really, God assigns our times as He sees fit. I hope it continues for you for many more years. Charles (Nephew)

Comic speaks timeless truth

In today's strip of Funky Winkerbean a girl in the car with her Dad asks a profound question: "Dad...do you still miss Mom?" The father replies with a more profound answer: "There hasn't been a day, but after a while, you begin to understand . . . that you can't let your grief become the substitute for the one you love." (You can see the strip in full color if you Google "Funky Winkerbean' and look at the Seattle newspaper.) A friend in our Church once told me many years after his wife had died that he still missed her. Jake did the video of our 50th wedding anniversary service at First Baptist when David delivered the Sermon and all the rest had some role in the Service. He, too, has passed to the great beyond. I, of course, understand what he meant when he said that he "still missed her." And I have a real appreciation of the philosophy in Funky Winkerbean. And I miss son, Jimmy, as well. Jimmy's "twin", David, (they were both born Feb. 10th - two years apart) was in the Hospital in Texas over the week-end. Thank God he has been discharged and is apparently in good health. "Mom's" family in West Virginia are under some pretty bad weather conditions. I talked with my Sister-in-Law and they are doing o.k. and while there has been a lot of snow and ice they have not been without power. I was glad to learn that after seeing the Huntington, WV paper the last few days.

Incidentally, I first said "comic strip" above, but "comic" doesn't always "cut it" in regard to such.

Friend dies

This morning's paper carried the obit of a long time friend and sometime collegue. Hall Diteman was a consummate artist and play director. He was largely responsible for the Billings Studio Theatre building which is on the Rocky Mountain College campus. Years before that building we did plays on the stage at Rocky and then at an abandoned Church near downtown Billings. I remember one play in which I was cast, and the Director chickened out. Hall took over mid-rehearsal. After 2 or 3 nights he asked me to shave my beard, It didn't look right to him. I dropped out. It wasn't that great a play or part. Later when another Director asked me to shave I did it gladly. That was for a major role in The Crucible. After all I'd lived through the McCarthy era.

When the new Theatre was to open I enjoined Hall to let me have at least a walk-on in this historic opening. I was often on the road recruiting for the College and could not be at regular rehearsals. The play was Man of LaMancha. I was cast as the soldier who brought the prisoner down the steps to his cell, and at the end of the play came back down and escorted him out. It wasn't much, but to me it was historic, and I have always been grateful to Hall for his thoughtfulness in this situation. I had better parts in many plays, but this memory will always be with me. May he rest in peace.

Update to health

This past week I had my third heart catheterization in the past three years. In Sept. 2006 I had a couple of stents put in an artery after feeling some discomfort and going to the ER at Billings Clinic after a 911 call. Later in 2007 I explored the idea of having a knee repaired since it is bone on bone many years after a pedestrian accident. The cardiologist suggested after the job that probabilities for survival were minimal at this time. I've had by-pass surgery twice - in 1972 and 1980. In recent time there has been angina following minimal activity. I suggested to my Cardiologist that it might be due to stenosis in the aortic valve which had been detected earlier through an echo exam. She had a thorough exam done in January 2008 and strongly suggested a valve replacement. I talked with the surgeon and decided to wait. Waiting is no longer an option. I called the Surgeon's office early this month and was told that I would need to see my regular Cardiologist before seeing him. I made that appointment and was set up for the Catheterization this past Tuesday. I then checked with the surgeon and they set up a conference with other medical personnel yesterday. The decision at that time was to have a CP X-Ray to determine the size of my aortic valve. I will then talk with Dr. Milliken about setting a date for the operation. He is rated as one of the best. It was also discovered that one of the arteries previously by-passed needs further repair. I'm assuming the mammary artery is available for the job. I was well taken care of by the people at the Clinic and have reduced anxiety about further procedures.

One of the most interesting things about Dr. Stephan Milliken is that he plays in band composed mostly of other doctors in town plus an Art Professor from Rocky Mountain College. The band is known as The Mid-Life Chryslers. They play mostly at charity functions and for their own enjoyment.

Love knows no end

As Pete and I were watching 60 Minutes this evening after a very good supper he had prepared we somehow got to talking about our life as Father and Son and something of what brought him back home. A friend he shared a house with was married and divorced and their daughter's mother didn't want their little girl visiting a "bachelor pad." The house they owned was put on the market so Pete moved back here since I was getting older and was living alone. I suspect his sibs encouraged him. He indicdated as much in commenting that they were more at ease knowing that I was no longer alone. And, as a matter of fact, I am myself more at ease knowing that he is here and can take care of the "big" jobs like snow shoveling grass cutting, gardening, etc. I still get to take the garbage out once in a while. It is all good because of my history of heart attacks and by-pass surgery.

Someplace recently I mentioned what my dear wife said to me in the recovery room after my 2nd by-pass surgery. I can re-member her coming in as I regained consciousness. It was very emotional as I had just gone through some deeply held thoughts about God's continuing care of me over the years. I had a tube in my throat so could not talk, but somehow got a pencil and wrote "I love you" and gave it to her. It was mutual, and then she said something to the effedt of "Don't you ever put me through this again." I remembered those words as we were gathered as a family in ICU as her own heart beat its last and she was gone from us.

Perte told me something tonight that I had never known, and it casts some light on the "Don't ever do this to me again" statement. He said he came home one night and the house was dark and he heard sobbing from the basement. His first thought was that I had died, but immediatly knew that if that were true he would have already gotten the news. It was his mother crying, I suspect from relief that I had survived. Pete held her, he said, as she "held me when I was a kid and had stubbed my toe or something." Love does not fail. And I love her still. As I told my brother-in-law the other day: I often still "kiss" her before I get out of bed in the morning. She is lying there half-awake and waiting. It is truly amazing how the air kisses back.

Lights, camera . . .

The "action" was yesterday. I was washing up dishes from the last 2-3 meals at the kitchen sink. Just above the sink is a window looking out over our backyard. At this time the yard is coverd with several inches of snow. Since the yard if fairly well protected the snow is still white. By mid-afternoon the sun lights the place up. It's a lovely sight. One I've admired for years. When Spring comes the apple tree will be in full bloom - also white. Well after over 40 years of this view I was not ready for yesterday's experience. The sun was bright, and I looked out on the snow for a bit to long. When I turned away there were flashing lights everywhere I looked. I got a brief experience of what it must be to go "snow blind". Fortunately, after a few minutes things began to clear up and I could see again. As long as I have lived this was an absolutely new experience. I suspect it has something to do with age and who knows what. I'll be seeing my Otician before long and we'll discuss this matter. The last time I saw him just over a year ago he prescribed some liquid to be dropped in the eye every night. There was some indication of possible glaucoma. So far, so good. But yesterday's experience has taught me not to look for long at a sun lit snow field.

Year's End

It has been a quiet few weeks. There was the large family gathering Thanksgiving Day with three of the progeny plus Jimmy's widow with Natalie and her mother. There was an additional 4 grandchildren plus a spouse and a great granddaughter and her Grandmother. There was brother John's family with Jean plus Mark and Rosanna and Ambrose. That plus Pete and myself. The NoDaks were here the next morning for breakfast.

For Christmas I was pretty much on my own. Pete and I had straightened up the house in case anyone came by. He worked his job Christmas Eve and I watched TV. Ann & Bill hoped to come in last week-end, but the snow got in the way. They did come over today to meet with son, Andrew, and take him home with them for the week-end. They hope to be back Sunday so that Andrew can get back to Bozeman for his job. They also bought presents to brighten the old man's life. I took them all out for lunch to celebrate Ann's and Bill's 29th wedding anniversary which is Saturday the 3rd.

New Year's Eve I did get over to the brother's house for a couple of hours. Last night I looked at my February 2006 Blogs. That's when this all started. My first entry mention that visit in 2005 just after Betty died, and my unease at the midnight hour at not having her there to kiss, and to wish a Happy New Year. It has been 4 New Years since, and I still miss her deeply.

So much for tonight's musing.

The Family grows!

Yesterday (12/16/08) I became a Great Grandfather for the second time in 10 weeks at the age of 84. In the morning paper the death of a woman aged 76 was listed along with the names of 5 great grandchildren. Betty and I have 7 children and 12 grandchildren. What took so long? Then I occured to me that for the most part our children did not begin to have children until they were through college. Indeed most of them were not married until they had finished college. The oldest remains unmarried at 58. Our only daughtrer was married at age 27. Her son was born when she was 30. The next son was married at age 31. Their first child was born in the year he turned 34. The next son was married at age 19. He and his wife have 4 children, but the first was not born until he was 24 and had two bachelor degrees. It is his daughter, aged 28, who is the motherr of the first Great Granddaughter; and his son, aged 26, who is the father of the second Great Granddaughter. And they are both college graduates as are their parents.

Our next son was married at age 27, and their first child was born when he was 34. The next son was married at age 23 with the first of two sons born when he was 26. The youngest son, like the oldest, is unmarried at age 47. The children have pretty much followed in the foot steps of the parents. Betty and I were both through College and teaching before we were married. She was 24 and I was 25. We were married in April and Kenneth was born the following February. Betty died at age 80 after over 56 years of marriage. I am truly sorry she is no long with us to share in the joy of these two charming Great Granddaughters. My God bless them as He has the rest of this extended family.

Age and memory

I was watching T earlier when one of the Alsheimers adds came on where the old man calls his young granddaughter by the wrong name. I have sometimes told people how I can in my evening prayer mention all of my family: brothers, sister, spouses of each, children and spouses; 12 grandchildren; and now two great granddaughters. Plus, when I put my mind to it, I can list before God all of my nephews and nieces and their spouses and kids.

The other night I got a phone call from a former student a generation ago. I immediately knew that it was Quilla, and I called him by name. He's a black student from Arkansas, and was (is?) a very fine musician. He played a role in the ministry of Wayman Chapel here in Billings. (African Methodist Episcopal)

On the other hand there is often a name or circumstance which does not come quickly to mind. Maybe later. Maybe lots later.
I guess that it not to bad at 84.

So? One muses.

As I was listening to the news last night the reporter stated that the attack on Pearl Harbor had occurred in 1941 - 67 years ago. I turned and said something to my son about that now being “ancient history.” An earlier story in the paper told of a local high school class being shown a collection of letters and pictures depicting the Nazi Holocaust. It then occurred to me that I was 17 December 7, 1941 and was sitting in the front room of my high school girl friend with her family when we heard the news. Today’s generation speaks of 9-11, and the paper has little mention of 12-7-41. A part of this remembering was brought about by a photo brother John sent the other day of brother Lee, 79; sister Dorothy Ann, 90; and himself at 84. This relates to a picture taken at Thanksgiving of three generations of our family: granddaughters Natalie and Stephanie with Stephanie’s baby (my first Great Granddaughter, Arianna) and me - Grandfather Taylor.

In the middle of the night I began to think about ages. Both twin brother, John, and I have become the oldest Taylor males at 84. Grandfather Taylor died a few days after turning 83. Our own Dad died from a heart attack at 59. Older brothers died at 63, 50, and 56. The latter two of heart attacks. Dorothy Ann is now in line to become the oldest survivor of the Taylor females. Grandmother Taylor died at 90 years, 10 months. The oldest of the Aunts died at 89 years, 8 months. There’s not much history on the Petit side of the family, but Grandpa Petit died at 69, and our Mother’s mother (Mary Cart) died at age 36. None of us ever knew her and there was little discussion of that side of the family that I recall.

So much for ancient history. It is remarkable that at 84 with a massive heart attack at age 33; two rounds of by-pass surgery; a couple of stents recently and with aortic stenosis I survive and can still remember and relate to all this. Sorry you had to read all this!

Family Thanksgiving

This was my year to host Thanksgiving. I never thought that I would live to see the day that I was holding a Great Grandchild. This is Arianna with her Cousin, Natalie and her Mother, Stephanie. Steph and husband, John Huss came over from Minnesota so that both of her Great Grandfathers could meet her. In addition we had Ken, Annie and husband Bill, Pete, brother John, Jean, Mark, Rosanna, Andrew, Nathan, Geoffrey, Janet (Stephanie, Nathan, & Geoffrey's Mom), Cecilia, her mother Maggie, Natalie, Mark's son, Ambrose.

While I cooked the turkey (it didn't get quite done. It was over 22 lbs) on the grill Pete did most of the set up and cooking. Others, of course, brought in various dishes. No one went away hungry. It was a true joy to have 3 of David's 4 children with us along with John's family and to have Cecilia bring her mother to share with us. We, of course, missed Jimmy and Betty. And other out-of-towners are always welcome.

In the meantime I've been busy avoiding anything that smacked of work.

Compulsive?

It is our turn to host the family Thanksgiving Dinner. I have always gotten a frozen Butterball in the past, but this year decided to order a fresh 18-20 pounder from a regional Hutterite Colony. For the last few days I've constantly been thinking of what needs to be done. Get the table ready; make sure there is enough dinner ware for 18 or so guests; make sure the utinsels are clean; make sure there is enough seating capacity; get the mantel cleaned off and set for Christmas with the Creche I bought for Betty many years ago; have Pete get the artificial tree out of the loft in the garage; etc., etc. Then it occured that most of the family that I mail Christmas Cash to will be here so I can save a lot on postage by having the "gift" wrapped and ready. That meant a trip to the Card store and then to the Bank and making sure the right amount gets into each card. Then there is trying to figure out how many will be staying over night, and where to put them. As I sit here Tuesday night most everything is done. Pete has been an invaluable help Sweeping rugs, dusting furniture, getting our part ready to cook. We get the turkey Wednesday so there will be some preparation of that so I can pop it on the outdoor propane grill in time to have it done for a three o'clock dinner. Maybe I can relax in about 48 more hours.

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and may God bless us evdryone.

Accent

O.K. Philipa, you started it. My accent is Midland.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland   "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The South
Philadelphia
The Inland North
The Northeast
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

To do or not to do

About a year ago my Cardiologist had an Echo test done when I suggested that my increased angina might be due to a previously diagnosed aortic stenosis. The test showed an opening of the valve about the size of the opening of a ball point pen. She indicated that I should have surgery right away and made an appointment for me to talk with the outstanding heart surgeon in Billings. I told her that I had a wedding to go to in Texas in February, and she said surgery in December should not hinder that. I was told a couple of years ago that my chances of surviving knee replacement were 1 in 4 so I was not enamored of heart surgery. I did talk with Dr. Milliken and we discussed the odds, He seemed to agree that such an operation was problematic, but that he would be willing to do it. My decision at the time was to not have it. Lately I find the angina getting, if not worse at least more prevalent with less activity. Nevertheless today I was able to do several errands including walking around Wal-Mart and Costco with no real trouble. Then Studs Terkel died.

What does that have to do with it? An article in the Chicago Tribune included the following: "In August 2005 Terkel added another item to his lengthy list of accomplishments, undergoing a risky open-heart procedure at 93 to replace a narrowed aortic valve and redo one of the five coronary bypasses he he'd undergone nine years before." He died three years later at the age of 96. If I were to have such surgery and live to 2011 that would take me to 86-87. And I'll never be any healthier than I am at this present time. There is, of course a decision to be made, but my "musing" tells me that such decision should be made, plus or minus, by the end of the year or no later than January. Actually I would not choose to have any surgery before Christmas.

Busy

Watching the World Series last night I was truly amazed that they kept playing. What a storm! True to the old saying : "when it rains, it pours." Then I looked at my own plans for this Tuesday night. My Alma Mater, Marshall U. is on ESPN2 tonight from the home town playing Houston - 6 pm mountain time. The Yellowstone County Democrats are having the monthly dinner at 5:30 pm. And a friend has encouraged me to attend a meeting at Rocky Mountain College at 7:30 tonight - sponsored by her son.

I guess that I'll skip the dinner and watch the first half of the game and then go to the meeting. I do have some lasagne left from last night so will certainly not go hungry.

By the way. It is a beautiful day here in Billings, Montana today.

A growing family

Knowing that Stephanie was in labor and that it was prolonged I waited until after noon (CDT) to call her Dad to find out if the baby had been born. YES. Son David is now a Grandfather and I am a Great Grandfather. Then I got there e-mail with further details. Arianna Elizabeth, welcome to the Huss and the Taylor family. You will have many Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents to love you. May we simply love and then let your be yourself. I will have to admit that when I read the e-mail that this little girl was to carry her Great Grandmother's middle name - Elizabeth, I felt a deep emotion knowing the my Harriet Elizabeth would never hold her, but she will surely be a guardian angel. And there is still to be born, Sophie Harriet Elizabeth Taylor later this year. That, too, will be a time of great joy. We Montanan's and North Dakotan's are looking forward to meeting Arianna at Thanksgiving.

Shopping

I have been able to pretty much save my Social Security income so it had built up in a typical savings account. I checked the Credit Union and found that I could get a 6 month CD with 3.0% interest so half of the savings have been so transferred. I caught my favorite "banker" just before she headed out to lunch.

Then I went to Costco for some lunch stuff and whatever. It turned out to be more whatever. They had a collection of chicken legs and wings with mesquite. Very good. I anticipated an Eggo omlet for supper, but it will be chicken instead. I also got some bread, English muffins, mixed nuts (Pete seems to like them - too), and a couple of books: Garrison Keillor's latest: "Liberty", A novel of Laker Wobegon; and "Blue Man in a Red State" - the story of our Governor, Brian Sweitzer. While I have met the Gov. I have not met Garrison except on NPR.

So much for the economy.

Politics

I commented on Facebook the other day wondering what McCain was afraid of while making plans to ditch the first Debate. Today I noticed that after FOX carries the Presidential Debate it will be followed by "Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?"

Widower-hood

As I sat in Church last Sunday I noticed two of our retired clergy sitting together. Hugh has just recently lost his wife, and Paul was widowed 3-4 years ago when Mary Lou died. She had been wheel chair bound for some time. Mary Huntley died soon after planned surgery which resulted in a massive blood clot to the brain. She never recovered, and was dead within a week. Ahead in front of me was A layman, younger than myself, whose wife died after a long battle with cancer. Today I went to the College to attend an Art Exhibit of current teachers work. There was some pretty nice work n display. One of my colleagues, now retired, was also there. Bob Morrison's wife died from a massive clot which lodged in her brain just over a year ago. I had not seen Bob since that time so it was good to have a chance to talk with him. He also expressed that it was "good" to have a chance to talk. He commented that he was still adjusting. He though early of selling the "big" house they were living in, but the children all said "no". "Where would we stay?" I, of course, know that feeling. I want to always be available to house any of the children who are able to come for a visit, and with Pete living with me taking care of things is no problem.

I guess that what started all this in the realization that it is not always the husband who dies first. And just like Bob, we soon come to the realization of how much the wife has been doing and we were not quite aware. And in recent weeks I have thought often of how often I was on the road - out of town - and Betty was left to raise the kids, and take care of things. Now I wonder if I did not miss the most rewarding part of being in a family.

Are you grown up?

In cleaning out some files today I came across the following from my ancient file for a course in Healthy Personality at Rocky Mountain College. I labeled the course that instead of "Mental Hygiene." This list is based on "Ten Marks of A Disciple" by The Rev. Rod Romney, an American Baptist Pastor who served in Seattle many years ago. I don't know if he still lives or not. I label it "Ten Marks of Maturity:

1. A loss of interest in judging the self.
2. A loss of interest in judging others.
3. A loss of interest in conflict in any form.
4. A loss of interest. More seriously, a loss of ability to worry.
5. An unmistakable tendency to enjoy each moment.
6. Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation and thanksgiving.
7. Tendency to think a and act spontaneously and lovingly rather
than from fears based on past experiences.
8. Contented feeling of being connected to all of life.
9. Increased ability to let things happen rather than trying to make
them happen.
10. Increased susceptibility to love extended by others, as well as the
the uncontrollable urge to extend love in all directions.